Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Cut Nut

It's called body integrity
Identity disorder, or
For short, known as B.I.I.D. -
An unrelenting desire for
A healthy limb amputation.
For years, I wanted my hand gone,
But never could get the job done.
The hand just didn't belong on
My body. Who could understand?
Success in the garage one night.
The power saw cut through my hand.
Finally, I had made it right.

I said it was an accident.
But deep inside, I'm so content.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Tim

It is sad, Tim, you had to leave
This earthly realm right in your prime.
Your sudden death we do bereave,
And also honor your lifetime.
We know the Russert family
Lost a father, husband and son,
But can cherish the memory
Of all that made you their loved one.
You let the leaders of the world
Discuss the issues of the day.
Power and might around you swirled.
You gave and took in a good way.

You left the best impression, Tim.
Your cup of class filled to the brim.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

In a Fog

He came home unexpectedly.
His work trip had been put on hold,
He mentioned to his wife, she
Seemed quite nervous at being told.
But, he did not notice and said
That it was late and he was tired.
How 'bout both of them go to bed?
They did. After some time transpired,
The phone rang and he answered it.
He said, "You've got the wrong number."
"This isn't weather, you nit wit."
When his wife asked, he said to her,

"Just some idiot guy my dear,"
"Was asking if the coast was clear."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Wind Some, Lose Some

My secretary was a prud.
She did not appreciate me,
And the fact that I was the dude
Who ruled her job security.
She said I treated her like dirt.
If this continued to occur,
My boss she would have to alert.
I turned so my back was to her,
And farted loudly from my rear.
Then I heard a masculine sound,
Followed by words I cringed to hear,
Very slowly I turned around.

There stood a customer of mine.
I'm in the unemployment line.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Einstein Predicts

Science without religion - lame;
Religion without science - blind.
But too often a childish game,
Religions seek to push mankind
Through lots of superstitious hoops,
To try to reach the goal of good,
But often chooses evil - oops!
So very few achieve sainthood.
Energy equals mass times light;
The speed of which is also squared.
Over time we proved this is right.
Scientists found facts and shared.

Someday proof will replace abstract.
God is a scientific fact.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Curse of the Bard

"Blest be the man that spares these stones."
William Shakespeare in death did state,
"And curst be he that moves my bones."
Warned the Bard in messing with fate.
It's said Shakespeare did put the curse
Because he knew the threat was there,
Comes a corpse with a bigger purse,
Putting poorer bones who knows where.
In his Holy Trinity Church,
In his home town the Bard does rest.
But, foot traffic has caused a lurch,
Needing to put the curse to test.

The crumbling stones need a retool.
Here's hoping the Bard's bones keep cool.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Good Bye Mrs. Smith

Fourth grade over, the school year done.
For Mrs. Smith it was the last.
Forty years before, she'd begun
Teaching. Kid by kid time passed.
A pupil - not her worst or best,
But a good teach she'd given me.
After school, just as I had guessed,
Still at her desk. So politely,
I said good bye and wished her well.
She smiled and thanked me being there.
But something was wrong, I could tell,
As she slumped forward in her chair.

I'm glad I got to say good bye,
'Cause sadly, Mrs. Smith did die.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Stuck on the Job

The newspapers piled by the door
Told me this was the house to rob.
An alarm added to my chore,
So I opted to start the job
By climbing up onto the roof,
And going down the chiminey.
But soon after I felt my goof,
When I got stuck as stuck can be.
To make my story of woe short,
My cries for help brought the police.
Now I'm in jail waiting for Court.
Next time I'm gonna take some grease.

I found out that house was for sale,
And empty. Ain't this a sad tale?

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Fan Attack

He saw the sticker on my car,
That I support the Yankees team.
I think I'd seen him in the bar.
Suddenly, he began to scream
That Yankee fans ought to be gassed.
Then he spit right on my windshield.
I backed my car up a ways fast.
Then right toward this bozo I peeled.
He yelled "Go Red Sox" on the run.
I snapped and only could see red.
Now I am charged with murder one.
My car happened to knock him dead.

Nobody scorns a Yankee fan.
I only meant to scare the man.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Gotta Be Me

I wanted to evolve my way;
Live underwater more than not;
Lay eggs for the parent role play;
Then feed my young uns milk a lot.
I tripped with humans for a while.
They didn't want a beaver tail,
Or duck like bill to form the smile,
Or snake like venom to impale.
The truth of humans soon was known.
They were just too boring for me.
I could do better on my own.
So I chose to part company.

Listen humans. Hear me roar loud.
I am Platypus. I am proud.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

With a Smiley

I like to hunt for college men.
My travels take me near and far -
So many times and places when
I get to play my repertoire.
I select the target with care,
And wait until he is alone.
My gun is then enough to scare
Him into complying with my tone.
I take him to a water source.
Therein his young body does die,
Washing away all clues of course.
I draw a Smiley Face nearby.

And so young man, you're fair game too.
Smiley Face is looking for you.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Scale of Chance

The aftermath of the earthquake
Left the living to try to cope
With the devastating heartache
Of the casualties without hope.
Rescue efforts gave way in time
To efforts in recovering
The dead. The toll - a soaring climb
In bodies and in suffering.
Only those helping on the scene
Could really sense the whole across
Of how human chance is between
Dying or living through the loss.

For miles and miles the victims spread,
Tens of thousands of bodies dead.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Hef the Ref

For years the magazine, Playboy,
Had stars in or around the P.
It was surmised to be a ploy
To check the centerfold to see
How Hugh Hefner had rated her.
One to twelve being the best;
If in the P, one could infer
She had thus taken Hef's bed test.
If low in number and outside
The P, that meant the centerfold,
Though not Hef bedded certified,
Still had some assets to behold.

The stars were later found to be
Advertisement locality.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Senior Moment

My granny is just old and sick.
She doesn't have much chance for fun.
So I figured she'd get a kick
Playing a baddie with a gun.
I had her put on a trench coat,
And a ski mask over her head.
She only had to say one quote,
"I'm gonna kill the pigs all dead."
And say it waving in the air,
The pistol, as though taking aim.
I put the tape on You Tube there,
Where granny got a lot of fame.

It's freedom of speech for old folk,
To show that they can be a joke.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Feel Like Talking

I was not at home and got lost.
A stranger took me to police.
But out of my fear and exhaust,
I did refuse to speak my piece.
A doctor came to check me out.
My family had taught me to
Speak to one if I had no doubt
I trusted that one to help me true.
The doctor seemed like one to trust.
I told him my name, first and last.
Then my full address I discussed.
This info seemed to flabbergast.

Now I'm back with my family,
Happy as a parrot can be.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Heed a Head

It is an ancient crystal skull,
Now a museum piece to view.
Some say it is a hoax to gull
The gullible that it can do
Foretelling of the world to be,
And how the world will come to end.
I wonder what its eyes do see,
What sights can really it portend.
Gazing into the sparkling orbs,
I see the Earth as from afar.
The beauty of the ball absorbs,
Then blows apart in burst bizarre.

Deep within the crystal skull's eyes,
I see Earth's nuclear demise.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

My Daddy

My Daddy, he's my hero, yes.
He saved me from a mean old car.
I had on my pretty blue dress,
Walking with Daddy, not too far.
This mean old car came down the street,
Going fast and it hit a bus.
Daddy picked me up off my feet.
That car was coming right at us.
It hit Daddy into a wall.
But Daddy kept a hold of me
On his back. I heard Daddy call
My name, then let me down gently.

My Daddy, he's my hero, yes.
Gone to heaven for God to bless.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Equal Opportunity Employer

The dog saw a "Help Wanted" sign,
So he went inside to apply.
Just because he was a canine
Should not right off disqualify.
The boss agreed and interviewed,
Telling the dog what was required.
The dog showed quite good aptitude
For skills needed for getting hired.
Indeed the boss was quite impressed,
And said that he would hire the dog.
But first there was a final test -
Do bilingual dialogue.

The dog replied with a "Bow Wow,"
And followed up with a "Meow."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Spin Cycles

Franklin Roosevelt did chain smoke,
And drank martinis like a fish.
He was an adulterous bloke,
With a mistress as a side dish.
Winston Churchill slept until noon,
After nightly brandied up drunk.
A gluttonous hot air balloon,
Smoked opium and other junk.
Adolph Hitler ate sensibly.
Did not smoke or drink alcohol.
He was sworn to celibacy,
Was disciplined in habits all.

If these guys were around today,
What would the pundits have to say?

Sense Sonnets - Pumper

Good Sports

Bottom of the 9th and 2 outs.
This little leaguer's up to bat.
I try not to hear all the shouts,
But, it's scary where I am at.
The first pitch whizzes by. Strike 1.
The next I swing at, but strike 2.
The 3rd pitch - I get the job done,
Smacking that ball into the blue.
I run while watching in suspense.
Then twist my foot and feel the pain,
As my home run ball clears the fence,
But, I'm down with an ankle sprain.

Rounding the bases like a dream,
I'm carried by the other team.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Hunting

My child was in the dining room,
The screen door shut to the back yard.
Then Rose was gone. I felt a doom
Ball up inside me, cold and hard.
There was a torn hole in the screen.
We searched for Rose to no avail.
The police deemed it a crime scene,
And searched for clues that they could trail.
Tests were done on some blood and hair,
Both human and animal trace.
Rose and something else had been there.
The conclusion was hard to face.

I can't believe that in L.A.
A coyote took Rose away.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Love Undone

My mother never did like Bill.
We were too young to be in love,
She would insist, and by her will
Was able to cause the split of
The two of us. Bill went away,
And never again did I hear
A word from him - just one to say
That he really did love me dear.
After so many years had passed,
I found letters Mom kept from me,
From Bill. I read his love long last.
I called. His voice was bliss to me.

It was Bill's son. He did confide,
The week before his Dad had died.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Granny Detail

Grandma and grandson at the beach.
She tells him not to stray too far.
But then a giant wave does reach
Out, and in a flash bizarre,
Carries him away out to sea.
Helpless, grandma falls to her knees,
And prays to God in sobbing plea
To bring back her grandson, oh please.
A giant wave comes rolling in,
Bringing him back from threatened harms.
Grandma's grandson is safe again.
She hugs him closely in her arms.

Grandma prays to God, "Thank you true."
"But I see he's missing a shoe."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Skin Flick

I hear that airport scanners scan
Me going through security,
To show me as a naked man
With all my warts and moles, clearly.
Not that they would injure or kill.
What havoc could my wrinkles wreak?
Gives the lady agents a thrill,
I'm sure, when my body gets a peek.
I figure this technology
Will scan us any time or place,
To check what weapons there might be
Under clothes in the inner space.

Mark the words of this here ol' Gramp.
World's gonna be a nudist camp.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Green Machine

We algae have known for a while
That human beings really suck,
And live a careless lifestyle,
That'll leave the Earth out of luck.
Creating carbon dioxide
From burning all the fossil fuel,
That gas is gonna get us fried
Unless we start playing it cool.
Guess what's algae's favorite treat?
Yep, it's carbon dioxide gas.
So, more algae - more gas we eat.
And harmony will come to pass.

Human beings can be so dumb.
Save the Earth - it's up to pond scum.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Man of the House

I use my daughter to have sex,
Keeping her in a hidden place.
And not even my wife suspects.
Disappearing without a trace,
When my daughter was age 18.
Now my daughter is 42.
I'm the only one she has seen,
And the only one she needs to.
She's had babies over the years.
Into the furnace, they all went.
To world and wife, it all appears
That I'm a good husband and gent.

It is the way I live my life.
Just me, my daughter and my wife.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Split Decision

Jim caught me having an affair,
And said he wanted a divorce.
As for his money that was there,
I would get none of it of course.
Shortly after that incident,
While we each were living apart,
Jim was in a car accident.
While machines kept pumping his heart,
There was no response from his brain.
Since I still had the legal say,
Did I want machines to maintain
Jim, though in a comatose way?

There'll be consequences, I know.
I signed the forms to let Jim go.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Long Shot

On the first tee, I drove the ball.
It sliced, going over a fence,
Hit a truck in a shopping mall,
Ricochetting skyward intense,
Plucked in mid air by a big hawk,
Which flew back over the golf course.
Suddenly, there was a loud squawk,
As though the bird sensed in remorse
That it clutched an edible not.
Dropped on the green, the ball did roll
Some yards right to the flag stick spot.
And "plunk", it dropped into the hole.

Yes, I had a hole in one -
Unfortunately, the wrong one.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

His and Hers

Mom and Dad had a great big fight
Right in the middle of the store
Where Mom works. It was quite a sight.
I wasn't there. I'm almost 4.
Police came and arrested Dad.
Mom told them it was all because
She dissed Dad's gang, and he got mad.
Mom said her gang, the Crips, sure was
Better than his Ballers by far;
And I would be in the Crips gang,
Because that's where the winners are.
Dad went ballistic with a bang.

I'll join whichever gang gives me
A fireman's hat and a puppy.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

The Professor

Randy Pausch is moving toward death.
Unlike most, he knows death is near.
Cancer eats at him with each breath.
But, Randy moves on without fear.
A teacher, he chooses to teach
A class on what dying can be.
Through You Tube, his lessons do reach
Millions of us, tuition free.
We learn from Randy there is hope,
No matter how hopeless life seems.
We have the inner strength to cope
With what's real, yet savor the dreams.

Randy Pausch takes zeal from his strife,
Sharing the journey of his life.