Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Secrete Service

I'm a Secret Service agent
On the presidential detail.
All bodily fluids content
Leaves a distinct DNA trail.
Blood, semen, spit, sweat, piss and poop
Leaving the President must be
All retrieved in a special scoop.
Then catalogued and stored safely.
The President knows this is just
One of the jobs that must be done.
I don't enjoy it, and I trust
For the President it's no fun.

I am the keeper, by and large,
Of all Presidential discharge.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Live Jive

The ticket cost a thousand bucks
To hear and see the super star.
But this sold out show really sucks.
Oh well, that's the way things now are.
Sponsors don't want any surprise.
The show is recorded ahead,
With performing under the guise
Of being done live, but instead
All the show sounds are amplified,
And projected are all the sights.
The super star is heard and eyed -
A high tech form of tones and lights.

I just don't remember when I've
Seen a performance really live.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Madam C. J. Walker

Madam C. J. Walker, that's me.
Born of slaves in a cotton field.
By the 20th century,
My success skills I did wield.
Because I was losing my hair,
I developed products that made
Me healthy and a millionaire -
The first woman of any shade
To make such money on my own.
The Rockefellers lived next door.
I did not hoard my wealth alone,
But shared it with the young and poor.

I showed my daughter self esteem.
A black woman can live her dream.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Dream Reap

A friend and I just missed a bus,
Which shortly then crashed, killing all
On board. What a close call for us!
Later my friend gave me a call,
And said that he had had a dream
In which the Grim Reaper grabbed him,
With scythe raised, and my friend did scream;
But then woke up before the grim
Outcome. My friend's Mom found him dead
The next day, when she went to wake
Him up. He was missing his head.
The dream he had was no mistake.

I'm scared to death to go to sleep.
It's my turn to get the grim reap.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Humannerism

One moment I am feeling fine.
The next, I am attacking her.
I don't know why I crossed the line.
Her bloody body is a blur.
The cops are coming with guns drawn.
I rush at them in mad attack.
Bullets hit me, but I charge on.
It is too late now to turn back.
All the cops are holding their breath,
Wondering which one I will choose.
But, I know I am nearing death.
I bet this makes a lot of news.

Some weird madness got into me.
More like human than chimpanzee.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Jumpin'

So Oprah said to Tommy Cruise
Before he came onto her show.
"Tom, I need you to make some news."
"Ratings are going kind of slow."
So later in the interview,
On the latest love of Tom's life,
He went competely flipperoo,
Expounding on his future wife.
Tommy leaped clear out of his chair,
As Oprah's jaw dropped to the floor.
Tom literally took to the air,
A touchy, feely feast galore.

Yes, Tommy on the couch did jump.
Yes, Oprah's ratings got a bump.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Back Off Bloomy

Groundhog Day - a human goof fest.
They call me Staten Island Chuck.
The New York mayor and the rest
Showed up on cue to run amok.
I was enjoying a nice nap,
When Bloomberg grabbed me round my butt.
I was in no mood for this crap.
He kept on, so I bit the nut.
I know I've got a job to do,
But seeing this Bloomberg bozo,
Who just cut funding to my zoo,
Just made me go crazy - you know?

I guess that mayor billionaire
Now knows to handle me with care.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Wall for all Ages

For 16 centuries I've stood
Along a 4000 mile span.
The emperors thought that I could
Hold back invading hordes of man.
Mongols and Manchus did come through
When gates of mine were opened by
Treasonous acts as traitors do -
No further need to fortify.
So now I am upkept to please
The hordes of tourists who invade
With cameras and all "say cheese"
Upon me for memories made.

The Great Wall of China, I'll be
As long as there is history.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Donner Party

I led a wagon train out west.
We took a shortcut and got lost,
Which made us late in our quest
For California, to great cost.
In the mountains, snows trapped the train.
The food ran out and one by one,
The weaker ones were by us slain
And eaten. It had to be done,
In order that some might survive.
I hurt my arm and got gangrene,
And was allowed to stay alive,
Till death from it did intervene.

The Donner party - my last name,
Of pioneer cannibals fame.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Heavy Burdens

I was in the State Bedroom, and
Held Abe's boy, Willie, as he died
Of typhoid. Grief gripped in hard hand,
And tore apart Lincoln inside.
Never again did Lincoln walk
Into that room, and the years passed,
Till then struck the tragedy clock.
The President returned at last,
Carried to me, fatally shot.
Mrs. Lincoln could only wail,
As life saving, the doctors sought.
Their efforts were to no avail.

Lincolns - son and father both dead
On me, the Lincoln Bedroom bed.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Doing Business

Behind a bush, a wolf was seen
By the Little Red Riding Hood.
"What big eyes you have - you look mean,"
She called. The wolf ran through the wood.
Later, Red saw that wolf once more,
Down in some tall grass. "What big ears"
"You have," she yelled, and off he tore.
Red keeps on walking. Then appears
That same wolf squat behind a tree.
"What big teeth you have," Red asserts.
"You must have bad in mind for me."
The wolf sighs, and then he blurts.

"Will you get lost you little frump?"
"Leave me in peace to take a dump."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Bug'em Bill

Bill Gates was speaking to a bunch
In business and politics.
They listened to him over lunch,
Say there needed to be a fix
By the haves to help the have nots.
Rid their lives of the mosquitoes
Bringing disease in deadly lots -
Malaria and other woes.
Bill paused and opened up a jar,
Letting a mosquito swarm go,
Saying that just words sometimes are
Just not enough to really know.

What seemed like an eternity,
Bill said these bugs were disease free.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

No Place for Prejudice

A lot of folks are real upset.
A family of coons live in
A place where some would want to get
Rid of 'em. Let the plans begin
To lay the traps to catch off guard.
These coons, that would dare call as home,
The White House. They need to be barred
From having freedom to just roam,
But, not all of us think that way.
This family deserves the chance
To live in harmony, and they
Should not be prejudged in askance.

The raccoons would just like to be
Neighbors of the first family.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Interruption

I was shovelling snow outside,
In front of my house on the walk.
Suddenly, I was horrified
To hit something hard as a rock.
That something used to be someone,
Frozen solid under the snow.
I felt for a pulse. There was none.
It was nobody that I know.
I called the police and they came.
I answered the questions they posed.
On the body, they found no name.
They all left. No more was disclosed.

I put the snow shovel away.
I'd finish up another day.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Saint Valentine

Claudius, Emperor of Rome
Banned his soldiers from being wed.
The Catholic Church was my home,
And I followed God's law instead.
My priestly duties I did do,
And married soldiers to their wives.
In prison, the emperor threw
Me, where no prisoner survives.
The jailer's daughter came to me
With food, and then we fell in love.
A heart shaped note I wrote lastly,
Before the ax sent me above.

I hope she got this note of mine
Voicing love from her Valentine.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Just Looking

A blind guy goes into a store,
Along with his seeing eye dog.
Two clerks see him come in the door,
But continue their dialogue.
The man and dog start down an aisle.
The dog is picked up by the man,
And in a motion quite agile,
The dog's twirled like a ceiling fan
On the end of its leash. The clerks
Stop chatting and just stare
At the blind guy and his dog's quirks -
One swinging one round in the air.

When asked about swinging his hound,
He says he's just looking around.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

I Passed Away

I am not sure when I was born.
The records were lost long ago.
I note not many seem to mourn
My passing, or it would seem so.
Some principles, simple and sound
And right, were how I tried to live.
In trust and truth, I always found
The strength of what to take and give.
My health began to fail on me
When mind boggling rules imposed by
All levels of bureaucracy
Did give me no choice but to die.

Known as common sense in my day,
Finally, I have passed away.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Mine Must

Much motivates my mind's machine.
Maneuvering makes me misspeak.
My mouth mentality may mean
Mine must mingle 'mong modest meek.
Maybe making malevalence
Might mark mastering mad mankind.
My modelling madmen's moments
Makes masking matters 'mid my mind.
Mine must mend my mal masquerade,
Mandating merits magnitude;
Melting malicious mountains made.
Major miracle - modest mood.

Many my motives might mistake.
Mine must most meaningfully make.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Wanna Play?

Heather's a sweet 5 year old child,
That I happened upon one day.
I looked friendly and Heather smiled.
In her room, we began to play.
When her mother checked in on her,
She only saw Heather alone.
Mom left and giggily we were
Of Heather's secret - all her own.
I climbed atop her bed headboard,
And dared her to climb. What the heck?
She slipped, a nasty fall and floored.
Poor Heather broke her little neck.

Heather's imaginary friend
I was - till Heather's tragic end.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Trail of Tears

The Choctaw Nation long and proud
Had lived in good upon the land.
But then, like an endless storm cloud,
The white man's presence did expand.
For a while, we tried to fight back,
To keep the hordes of whites away.
But on and on came their attack.
At last we knew we could not stay.
It is in winter we go west,
To where the whites tell us to go.
We get the treatment of oppressed.
Loss after loss is all we know.

The Choctaw Nation disappears
Along a staining Trail of Tears.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

New World - Old Excuse

I was going to take a trip.
So I wanted a rent refund.
My new digs would be on a ship.
No "land"lord, I badly punned.
I got busy with making plans,
And forgot about getting back
The rent. All my attention span
Was focused on a future track,
Hoping the Earth was a round sphere.
Just before I was set to sail,
The landlord stood upon the pier,
And yelled the check was in the mail.

I, Christopher Columbus, claim
That check in the mail never came.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Sainted Almost

The Hispaniola Isle had
A large native population.
I didn't see what was so bad
Enslaving this Taino nation.
There was plenty of work to do
On the island and back in Spain.
I, Christopher Columbus, knew
This treatment was not inhumane.
The Tainos were a savage lot.
It's probably best that most died.
Murdered and starved, by God they got
Just what they deserved - genocide.

I almost made it to sainthood.
But for this genocide, I would.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Have Held Up Well

Discovery of the New World,
I, Christopher Columbus, top
The list of comers that unfurled.
Asians, Vikings - an early crop.
Polynesian speculation
Gets some press. Also a known name
From each European nation.
But none of them attained the fame
Of yours truly in scope and time.
Just Google me and you will see
That I shine bright in light of lime.
No one comes close to besting me.

My legend really has gone far.
Thanks to the punch of good P.R.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Dropped Off

A fourth ship, Buba, sailed with me
On the India ocean trip.
The Buba led the other three -
Kind of a test the waters ship.
So many thought the Earth was flat,
And at the edge, a drop to hell.
So, I felt it was prudent that
Buba go first for show and tell.
Under sail for a week or so.
"Captain Columbus, please come quick,"
I heard, so I came from below.
The sounds of water falls were thick.

The ship, Buba, dropped out of sight.
I guess those flat earthers were right.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Carry Back and Forth

Christopher Columbus, I be
Usually given good press
For the New World discovery -
Statues, holidays - I confess,
Do keep my ego pumped a furled.
But then there are those grim reports
Of bugs we brought to the New World,
Malaria, small pox - all sorts
Of contagious diseases that
Spread the New World in attack.
The Old World got some tit for tat.
Syphilis was one we took back.

I got the woe that both worlds had -
Arthritis really got me bad.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Wedding Off

My boyfriend wanted to elope,
And do it somewhere we could swim.
At the bus station we did hope
To get a ride for me and him.
After we'd waited for a while,
A lady came over to us.
She was pretty with a nice smile.
I said we're waiting for a bus
To take us to elope somewhere
We could swim and enjoy the sun.
She called my parents to come there,
And that was the end of that fun.

They all said there were conflicts.
'Cause he is 5 and I am 6.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Catch Me

I love to mingle with the crowd,
Networking I guess you could say.
My fame is spreading. I'm so proud
Of seeing my work on display.
If you are a chosen by me,
I will give you, in my rounds,
Loads of new body painlessly;
And you will grow by leaps and pounds.
As a virus hard to resist,
I give a bunch, before I'm through,
Of blubber that will long exist.
This bug is looking to bug you.

AD-36 - call me that,
But get me and they'll call you fat.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Nuts and Bolts

Mechaniphiliac - that's me,
And I've been one all of my life,
Having sex with machinery,
More satisfying than a wife.
I'm oriented mostly to
Automobiles of any brand.
My current flame of romance true -
A Volkswagon love, wheel in hand.
But I am no one machine guy,
And my heart can easily turn
To the erotic that I spy.
And I pursue that which I yearn.

The best in a biblical sense -
Helicoptors are so intense.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Bugged

Caterpillars are in my town.
Millions of the bugs all about,
Turning the landscape dirty brown.
Like some, the hard way I found out
That I'm allergic to their touch,
Breaking out in a raw, red rash.
I try not to leave my house much,
Just to get food and take out trash.
Nobody knows why they are here,
Or how to make them go away.
They've bugged us for over a year.
I wonder if it's Judgement Day.

I feel them in my skin and hair,
Even when there is nothing there.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Piles of History

I could not sit astride my horse.
The hemorrhoid pain was just too fierce.
So first hand, I knew not the course
Of how badly the foe did pierce
Through my troops. For if I had seen,
I'm sure I would have turned the tide
To victory. Yes, Josephine,
Oh how I wish I'd gone astride
My horse, no matter what the pain,
And rallied from my saddleseat.
But, I did not. I wish in vain.
Waterloo went down in defeat.

I, Napoleon Bonaparte,
My pained piles made for a pained heart.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Flex On

A congressman was asked about
How he stood on drinking liquor.
He replied that he had no doubt
That it was a demon for sure,
A source of good holiday cheer,
A polluter of body whole,
A tax source for pork projects, dear,
An ally of the sinner's soul,
A shield against the weather's chill,
A cause of grief for family,
A source of voters' jobs to fill.
For or against, yes certainly.

That is my position on booze,
Depending on which one I choose.