Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Taste Test

Dr. Benson went to Jacque's Bar,
And asked for the house specialty.
The doctor sipped, then said by far
This was the very best drink he
Had ever imbibed, and inquired
What kind of drink had Jacques made him.
A daiquiri that was inspired
By a nut added as a whim,
Jacques replied, and the doctor tried
To guess the kind of nut therein,
With no success. The doctor sighed,
"It tastes so good, it must be sin."

They laughed. "I'll tell you," said Jacques,
"It's hickory daiquiri, Doc."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

No Legs

I lost both of my legs in war,
Blown off while serving in Iraq.
Stateside, it took a year or more
For prosthetics - not a fast track.
And then while in a V.A. ward,
Sometime while I was fast asleep,
A rotten thief came by and scored,
Stealing my new legs - what a creep.
With not a leg to stand upon,
I'm now stuck in who's to blame
For letting my two legs be gone.
I have no choice but play their game.

But while the bureaucrats talk talk,
I'm caught in red tape and can't walk.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Witch Hunt

The town of Wells is looking for
A witch at eighty grand a year.
Applicants should not be mean or
Be allergic to cats or fear
Living inside a cave - by name
The Wookey Hole Cave which is known
Because of Harry Potter fame,
Where a bad witch was turned to stone.
A cackle and a sense of fun
And people skills to entertain.
Who knows - you might be just the one
To fill this pointed shoe domain.

This witch job is now for hire
'Cause I decided to retire.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Aunt Otty

My Aunt Otty was very sick.
I dialed 911 and help came.
Police called her a lunatic.
She screamed the devil was to blame.
I had to watch while she did stab
Into pieces, her baby, Scott.
Parts of his body she did grab,
Eating them, screaming a lot
At me that this had to be done.
And that at 7 years old, I
Got to be the chosen one
To watch her and the baby die.

My aunt stabbed her chest with the knife.
They came in time to save her life.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

An Eye For

For eyeglasses, I have desire
To have my moment with each pair.
Trying them on sets me on fire.
Each time is such a fresh affair.
When that moment is gone for each,
Then that pair is hidden away,
Dropped down a pipe, beyond my reach,
But a memory, their display.
I must have a supply on hand,
And I require my privacy.
From stores I steal. I understand
Why the police arrested me.

The authorities ask me why.
"Why not?" is my only reply.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

In the Company of Mold

The Horizon Realty Group
Sues a tenant over a tweet
Alleging premise mold - a scoop
That did not have a lot of feet,
Until Horizon felt the need
To sue first and later to think
That maybe such stupidity
Was gonna cause a real big stink.
Looking to live in Chicago,
Checking the Web on realty,
What does Horizon have to show?
A lot of bad publicity.

On the Internet now I'm told,
I search Horizon and find mold.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Bong Bummer

I was trying to calm my cat,
Putting it in the bong box.
But Shadow made so much noise that
The cops busted in with no knocks.
I got charged with a bunch of stuff,
Pet cruelty just to name one.
Things for me have gotten real rough.
The whole world knows what I have done.
Somehow my mug shot made the Web,
Along with my name and address.
All of this made me a celeb,
Whose life is now in constant stress.

I'm as jittery as can be.
The fur freaks have a hit on me.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Call Waiting

From the hospital, the child phoned
Me. There had been an accident.
Her parents had been killed she moaned.
I had lived through the same event.
She told me Rachel was her name,
And now she had no family.
All she was saying was the same
As my childhood. How could this be?
But something told me this was fate.
I talked with her in soothing tone,
And told her that I would await
Anytime she needed to phone.

Eighty years later that call came,
From me to me - one and the same.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Beast of Bray Road

In 1936, I saw,
On a lonely Wisconsin road,
An upright creature with hooked claw.
In headlights, its yellow eyes glowed.
It growled "Gadara" sneeringly.
A hairy, half ton, smelly mass.
I prayed aloud and it left me,
Disappearing in the tall grass.
I hurried home to read about
Gadara. In the Bible told
Where there a beast, Jesus cast out
Into the sea waters, dark and cold.

Jesus did send the beast away
To rise in other place and day.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

On Leave

My son was home on leave far from
The daily dangers he had known
In Afghanistan. He had come
Safely back home from that war zone.
We were sitting on the front stoop,
Talking about the neighborhood,
About the kids in his old group
Just having him home was so good.
Two cars came screeching down the street.
As they drove by, there came the sound
Of gunfire. I jumped to my feet.
My son was lying on the ground,

Some stray bullet from some punk's gun
Struck and killed my home on leave son.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Prognosis

The doctor telephoned the wife,
And said her hubby needed her
Help in order to save his life.
No stress to hubby should occur.
So the wife should give lots of care
In all the ways that a wife can,
And always willing to be there
To do anything for her man.
If hubby suffers no more stress,
His life should go on full and long.
"Your doctor called," she did express
To hubby, who asked what was wrong.

She turned to her hubby and said,
"The doctor says soon you'll be dead."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Barter

I texted a co-worker who
I really thought that I could trust,
And asked about a hit man to
Kill my ex-boyfriend - a must.
Co-worker called the F.B.I.,
And I was caught up in a sting.
I told who I thought was the guy
I hired to kill, that I would bring
My swimming pool as payment for
The hit. We met and next I know,
Handcuffs are making my wrists sore,
As away to jail I do go.

All I had to pay was my pool,
The news reports paint me a fool!

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Millionth

The Global Language Monitor
Is actually a group of folk -
Legitimacy they confer
Upon the newborn words - no joke.
They do this work year in and out
With little fanfare normally.
But this last year count came about,
And there's been more publicity.
The millionth one is deemed unique,
Like winning a contest of sorts.
My colleagues are taking it bleak -
They really aren't very good sports.

Web two dot zero is my name.
Deemed the millionth word is my fame.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

In a Jam

I am caught in a traffic jam.
A cement truck is right in front.
And between 2 semis I am,
With 1 on my tail. To be blunt,
My compact is compacted in.
The cement truck trough crashes through
My windshield, right next to my chin.
And cement starts flowing into
The car at a very fast rate.
Stuck inside, I start screaming out,
And honking the horn, like irate
Drivers all around me, no doubt.

I see nobody to prevent
Me getting buried in cement.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

The Case of ...

Janice Barton - that is my name.
My current address is death row.
I have a unique claim to fame,
That a few trivia buffs know.
Aunt Amanda was invalid,
And murdered by a lethal dose
Of poison, which they say I did.
Though we were really not that close,
I was innocent, but did lie
To my lawyer about my Case
Of the Deadly Verdict to die
In the gas chamber - fate to face.

Perry Mason defended me.
The one case he lost on T.V.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

You Too Much

You used to be easy to please.
You only wanted truth from me.
You made me feel so much at ease.
You were polite as you could be.
You then got into heavy stuff.
You were no longer very nice.
You treated me so very rough.
You were scornful of my advice.
You now can barely bear my sight.
You get on me and cause such pain.
You scream that I cannot be right.
You are my loss with all your gain.

You accuse me of betrayal.
You weigh so heavy on this scale.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Outlet

Zambia is where I was born,
But people here act very mean.
So life for most is quite forlorn.
The country's a giant latrine.
I hold the President to blame.
He's only out for his welfare,
And puts his high office to shame
By giving nothing but despair.
One day his limosine parked right
Under where I happened to sit.
The door opened. he did alight.
This monkey, he won't soon forget.

I took aim from up in the tree.
On the President, I did pee.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

A Tooth for an Eye

I was in a bad accident,
And lost the vision in both eyes.
A procedure I underwent
In one eye so to realize
The chance to regain precious sight.
A manmade lens would do just that.
It needed to be fitted tight
Inside a solid habitat
That surrounding tissue would not
Reject as not belonging there.
So put into the socket spot,
Was my own tooth with fitted ware.

I did give my eye tooth to see.
That's how my tooth eye came to be.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Got a Live One

A cemetery is nearby.
I like to take long walks at night
Through the grounds. The watchman waves hi.
I have become his nightly sight.
Tonight, I'm walking down the lane,
Passing by a crypt above ground.
Suddenly, I hear it quite plain
From the crypt - a tapping sound.
Then the door opens with a creak.
A form emerges in a shroud.
Frozen, I cannot move or speak.
The watchman walks out, laughing loud.

Scared to death is no fun for me.
Night time in a cemetery.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Throw Blow

Alas, I'm a broken boned bride,
Who was in a plane with my groom,
When it crashed. Lucky no one died.
A tiny plane with little room,
Just the pilot along with us,
Heading out for the honeymoon.
I wanted to make a big fuss,
Throwing my bouquet like a loon,
From the plane to the crowd below.
I tossed it out into the air.
Into the rotor it did go.
It was plane stall and fall from there.

I guess it was lucky as not,
The falling plane - nobody caught.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Does It Make Sense?

I am walking along the road,
When I see a big, dark, brown pile.
I say - sure looks like a dump load.
Taking a long sniff , whew - that's vile!
Sure smells like manure. I say.
Then I grab up a handful scoop,
And rub around in finger play.
By golly, it sure feels like poop.
One more test, I decide to take,
And pop a biteful of the stuff.
It tastes like crap for golly's sake.
I think I've sensed it all enough.

Yes, it's really a pile of shit.
I'm glad I did not step in it.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Letterman Can

I'm David Letterman, I am.
Been on late night airwaves so long,
That I don't really give a damn
That some jokes I make may be wrong.
Sarah Palin's kids are fair game.
They're in the news and public eye.
First get the laugh - hell with the blame.
Boosting my ratings - that's the why.
The CBS suits won't cross me.
Imus got fired for what he did
'Cause he crossed the line racially.
No such fallout with a WASP kid.

Spewing foul filth is how I work.
That's why I'm a rich, powered jerk.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Ed

It was a full life, all in all.
Fought in two wars as a marine.
Had to always keep on the ball,
Supporting wives and kids between
Times like heaven and times like hell.
A pitchman for all sorts of stuff.
I had the look and knack to sell.
But what I cannot praise enough
Was Johnny Carson and his show.
It was my privilege to be
His sidekick that basked in the glow
Of all those great years on T.V.

The very moment I was dead,
I could hear Johnny yell - "H e e e r e ' s Ed."

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Perspective

Being a gravedigger is not
The job I dreamed of as a kid.
Now I'm in jail for getting caught
For cemetery stuff I did.
I just did what the boss told me,
Digging up the graves that were old,
Taking remains to rebury,
So the gravesites could be resold.
A new employee spilled the beans.
Now the living are all upset.
People are making public scenes
About old bones they did forget.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The dead don't feel any disgust.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Follow

My little girl was lying there
With a curtain cord round her neck,
After falling off of a chair.
And I was too busy to check
Until it was too late for her.
Only 2, her whole life ahead,
The loss of her is still a blur.
I just can't believe she is dead.
I take another curtain cord,
And on that same chair I do stand,
And tie both ends. Forgive me Lord.
The cord snaps tight before I land.

My daughter died. I am to blame.
It's only right I die the same.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Grizzly Details

In a Game and Fish bulletin,
There was a grizzly bear alert.
Outdoors people were told that when
In bear country, to not be hurt,
All should wear some little bells, so
A bear would hear and go away.
But if away it did not go,
All should carry some pepper spray.
One sign a grizzly is around,
Is lots of its droppings for sure,
Plopped piles all over the ground.
How to know it's grizzly manure?

Grizzly bear poop has pepper smells,
And in it lots of little bells.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Cut Some Slack!

The corpse and casket did not fit.
So in order to make things jive,
I cut off the guy's legs a bit.
After all, he was not alive.
Being a mortician is not
Without some office politics.
The amputee's family got
Very upset about my fix.
How did the family find out?
A darn co-worker tattletaled.
Now there's all this mad talk about
Me getting fined, fired - maybe jailed.

If I was a tailor by trade,
I could see the argument made.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Unique

I was just walking down the street,
When suddenly, a ball of fire
Came at me, and in a heartbeat,
Glanced off my hand like a live wire,
Then burrowed deep into the ground,
Leaving a foot long trail behind.
I could hear a sizzling sound.
When it was dug up, they did find
A small, pea sized meteorite.
My slightly burned hand quickly healed.
Sometimes, I wake up late at night,
And look to see if more's revealed.

I am the only living case
Of being hit by outer space.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Soylent Green

My parents told me they once saw
An old movie called "Soylent Green,"
Where folk food was against the law,
And eating people deemed obscene.
The good guys were the ones who tried
To stop the evil corporate suits
From waferizing those who died,
And selling them as freeze dried fruits.
My parents would not let me view
This movie, calling it too gross.
My Dad died, then my Mom died too.
But, I keep them both very close.

My parents are a part of me,
And they are tasty as can be.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

For the Best

My 3 year old was all I had.
Ty and I were I homeless pair.
My family said I was bad,
And kicked us out. They didn't care.
In the city park, late at night,
It suddenly did dawn on me,
Life for us was a no win fight.
No sense for Ty to grow to be
Like his Mom. So I did the best
Thing that I could, given the real.
I left Ty there to get some rest,
And not again have bad to feel.

I'm gonna miss my little Ty.
But it was best that he did die.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Kid the Kid

Not to disrespect their beliefs,
But Japanese have religious
Traditions that give fears and griefs
To their kids. And so, what's the fuss?
Well, kids should not spend too much time
On or about the toilet bowl,
Because some rooms are places prime,
Where linger the departed soul.
Adults say that a hairy hand
Will come out of the darkened pool.
From this, the kids should understand,
Don't dilly dally on the stool.

To scare off a Japanese kid,
Pretend you are a toilet lid.