Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Gone with the Wind

It was a family heirloom,
An exquisite engagement ring.
Being the soon hope to be groom,
I wanted such a proposing
That would make my girlfriend just swoon.
So I put the ring inside of
A bright, white helium balloon,
That she'd pop, as I popped my love.
But, as I got out of the car,
The wind blew the balloon away.
In vain, I chased it near and far.
Ringless, I faced my fiancee.

She's still not speaking to me,
Until that ring's on her pinky.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Rebirth

The crucifix for centuries
Has been a symbol of God's grace.
Upon the cross, Christ's agonies
Allowed saving the human race.
His blood dripping into the ground,
Where the cross did hold him upright.
By piecing nails, his limbs were bound,
Forcing the dying body tight
To the crossing pieces of wood.
When the body of Christ was gone
From that time and place for good,
The wood continued on and on.

Somewhere growing in Calvary,
Rooted in Christ's blood is a tree.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

From Bad to Worse

I was in the hospital for
A routine tonsillectomy.
Infection got into a sore
On my leg, and spread so quickly,
That amputation needed to
Be done to save my life, and so
I consented. What else to do?
When I woke up I heard, "Hello."
The surgeon was there to assure
That the operation went well.
But for me it was all a blur.
My remaining leg hurt like hell.

The surgeon found out what he'd done,
Caught off my leg - but the wrong one.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Weight Wait

I got down to 800 pounds
From 1200 pounds at my worst.
Leaving home had been out of bounds,
For over 5 years. I felt cursed.
But, then I got a girlfriend who
Inspired me to lose weight. I did.
Today, a forklift took me to
A flat truck on my bed, amid
Well wishers. I was off to meet
My girlfriend for a fun picnic.
But the excitement and the heat
Cancelled the plan. I was just sick.

How I wanted to celebrate
With my girlfriend on a real date.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

So Sue Me

A beekeeper sued a wild bear.
Macedonia's laws allow that.
The plaintiff charged defendant there
With the theft of the honey at
His bee hives, in the damage sum
Of 3 thousand bucks more or less.
The bear was not required to come
To Court, and thus did not confess.
While the Court was hearing the case,
And then ruled for the plaintiff's side,
The bear was at the plaintiff's place,
Getting his sweet tooth satisfied.

The bear's protected by the State,
So tax funds have to compensate.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

By the Book

On my way to school on the bus,
The driver collapsed suddenly,
Falling over in front of us,
Knocked unconcious, it looked to me.
The bus was veering down the street,
Headed for some cars in the way.
Scrambling into the driver's seat,
I hit the brakes hard, come what may.
At last the bus came to a stop.
The driver just had a sore head.
I was a hero said a cop.
I was late, my principal said.

And because I was late to school,
I got detention - that's the rule!

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Beak on

Oprah Winfrey, just a wee child,
Learned how to talk, and right away,
Saw life as a talk show and smiled -
Said her grandma, Hattie Mae.
Oprah would practice interviews
With crows, out perching on the fence.
Those birds could cause some whoop de dos,
And conversations got intense.
But, Oprah found that crows do tell
A lot of stuff about all things.
She learned to communicate well
And get the scoops beneath the wings.

It's said that Oprah's final show
Will have as final guest - a crow.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Round Trip

Pharamaceutical drugs do make
Their way into water supplies.
All those pills and stuff that we take,
Travel more than we realize.
They stick around the bod awhile,
But then are ejected as waste.
Flushed away, they turn quite hostile
To being retreated. So laced
In the water forevermore,
These toxins continue to thrive,
While being consumed more and more
Into body systems alive.

It is a scary thought to think
What's in the water that I drink!

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Strange Situation

Police were called by a boyfriend,
Saying his girlfriend needed aid.
I went to the home to attend
To the matter, and I was dismayed
To find a woman stuck upon
The toilet bowl where she did sit.
And for 2 years this had gone on!
Her food and water she did get
From her boyfriend, who at last thought
She would not budge, and so he did
Call the police, and though she fought,
I got her to ER - with lid.

It sounds funny, but why she had
Become bowl bound is just quite sad.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Disabduct

Some aliens from outer space
Abducted Bill Maher so they might
Prod and probe a real live test case
Of a liberal who's downright
Opinionated. There's no choice
For all who have to be near by,
To be held hostage to his voice.
Chatterboxing from this wise guy,
Bill hurled insults at the ETs -
Politically incorrect.
The aliens, so ill at ease,
Began to lose their self respect.

The aliens sent Bill Maher back -
Could not endure one more wise crack.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Pay to Play

A fireman in New York City,
I took my job seriously.
Fighting fires can be real shitty.
I was up for some levity.
So on Halloween, I set fire
To the front of the firehouse door.
This caused my bosses lots of ire,
Even though it was a small chore
To put out the flames by the crew.
I was suspended for my sport.
And then the next thing that I knew,
Charged with arson, I was in Court.

My prank became Halloween hell,
Serving 2 years in a jail cell.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Lesson with Visual Aid

One of my jobs as janitor
At the junior high school is to
Do the daily mirror cleaning chore
In the restrooms. The girls would do
A number with their lipstick tips -
Putting it on, kissing the glass,
Smearing it there, wiping their lips,
But not the mirror, then back to class.
So I caught them at their smooch role,
And made them watch me clean their spree,
Wetting rags in the toilet bowl,
Then washing the mirrors carefully.

Thus, seeing how I cleaned their smears,
The girls no longer kiss the mirrors.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Showing the Worst

They were friends of a neighbor's child,
Doing a survey for their school.
It all seemed innocent and mild,
But then turned ugly and cruel.
They forced me down onto the floor,
And then raped me repeatedly.
I begged them not to anymore,
But they laughed and kept hurting me.
I could hear my baby crying,
And just prayed it all would stop.
At last they finished with their thing,
And warned me not to call a cop.

The awful crime was heard and seen
By the world on the You Tube screen.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Water Hazard

My kindergarten class went to
A program on water safety,
At an indoor pool which was new
In a senior's facility.
I sat on the side in a chair,
Watching the children splish and splash.
Three trained instructors were in there,
Watching over my little fish.
Suddenly, kids began to choke.
I jumped in to help all get out.
Later we heard that something broke
And chlorine gas escaped about.

Some kids are in critical care.
It all turned into a nightmare.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Burn Yearn

A hundred billion dollar plan
Has been devised by NASA's best
To build a craft to send a man
All the way to the sun, to test
New technology that's been done
To insulate the space craft for
Safely landing on the sun,
Then moving about to explore.
NASA's so excited about
Getting this sun trip off the ground.
Yes, taxpayers may have some doubt.
Boondoggles come and go around.

To avoid it being too bright,
NASA plans to do it at night.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

High Tech

A medical dispensary
That's located in LaLa land
And is named Timothy Leary
Dispenses a multiple brand
Of marijuana for the use
Of those who can find the right doc
To write a medical excuse
To get pot high around the clock.
User friendly vending machines
Take your finger printed cash card
And give you back the ways and means
To puff away in high regard.

The Feds are looking into this,
Condemning any hit and bliss.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Larger than Life

Charlton Heston, age 84,
Left his life of such renown,
Portraying roles of self and lore,
A shining gem of tinseltown.
Using his fame from stage and screen
To champion causes left and right.
For decades his presence was seen
And heard as the fight on white knight.
The U.S. Constitution had
No one more passionate in zeal,
Defending written words ironclad
In making liberties for real.

In heaven, Charlton Heston stands,
A rifle in his cold, dead hands.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Family Tie

At the time it all seemed okay,
My growing up in Wichita.
Mom and Dad were strict in the way
They raised me, and laid down the law.
Church stuff kept Dad away a lot.
Mom was more fun when Dad was gone.
During the '70s, we got
A bunch of murders off and on.
The killings continued for years.
BTK (bind, torture and kill),
Was the killer's tag. But my fears
Came when he was caught - a spine chill.

The connection I'll never rid.
I'm the BTK killer's kid.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Rightless

My wife and I wanted a child.
We chose that she should be the one
To carry. We are gay life styled.
A friend gave sperm. We had a son.
For years we were a family.
The love and caring did abound.
As perfect as perfect can be,
Can turn imperfect, so I found.
One day, there was no son, no wife;
Just a short note that said goodbye.
Together, they'd start a new life
Without me, and did not say why.

I could not show linked DNA,
So the law says I have no say.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Gusty Rusty

Rusty Sharpe was his alias
On the station, KGMO;
Chatterboxed like a blunderbus,
Boring most of Cape Girardeau.
The reason he was on the air,
A teenage terror to the ear,
His Daddy owned the station there,
So sonny boy, we had to hear.
The kid went on to make a name,
Using his real one - Rush Limbaugh.
Just goes to show some get the fame
From the mouth runs and not lockjaw.

An ego full, windbagged numbskull,
Was better known as Rusty Dull.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Small Wonder

During my trial, I took the stand,
Against my own lawyer's advice.
If the jury bought what I planned,
Such a demo should then suffice
To be acquitted of the charge -
Public indecent exposure.
My thing was that not being large,
In fact downright miniature,
Why would I even take the chance
Of showing all I'm a pip squeak?
So I unzipped and dropped my pants,
Giving the jury a full peek.

That damn jury found me guilty.
My jail time's no teeny weeny.

Sense Sonnet - pumper

Healing Words

Just after childbirth, my wife fell
Into a deep coma, and stayed
That way for months. No one could tell
If or when she'd awake. I prayed,
As time went by, that she'd come back
To me and to our newborn.
Life without her was bleak and black.
Time passed, and I began to mourn.
One day while I was at her side,
Out loud, I gave her a scolding.
Suddenly, her eyes opened wide,
And she spoke, "I am no such thing."

My love is in recovery,
Surrounded by her family.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Hmmm

Perhaps its strangest attribute,
Taos, New Mexico has a hum,
That over time has gained repute,
Though only heard by a small sum
Of local residents who swear
That they are not crazy, and that
A humming sound is really there.
An ear anomaly is at
The top of the list as to why
Only certain people do hear
The hum. A further clue may lie
In the theory that many fear.

They are U.F.O. abductees
Tuned to mother ship frequencies.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

The Show Must Go On

I guess I knew this day would come.
My husband's in the public eye.
And sooner or later the bum
Would be exposed as a bad guy.
Now caught, he has to play contrite,
And I have a supporting role -
Next to my man in the limelight.
It's called scandal damage control.
After this sorry thing is past,
And my gander gets his butt cook,
I'll find a better role to cast.
Perhaps I'll write a tell all book.

Hubby scandals go with the life
Of an all for politics wife.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Lazathon Con

Doc - I need your help with this thing.
I love my couch potato life,
But I can't take all that nagging.
As a result, from my dear wife.
If she thinks it's just laziness,
Then I will never hear the end
Of all the arguments she'll press
On how I just need disciplined
To get delazified for good.
I need to get her sympathy .
An incurable disease should.
Called terminal downsystemcy.

How's that for a medical term?
And if my wife calls, please confirm.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Rewrite

Hansel and Gretel got good press
Because they played those Grimm boys bad.
I, the witch, was the victim - yes!
Murdered by that mean lass and lad,
Two mean juvenile delinquents,
Who were on a crazed sugar high.
I acted out of self defense,
And made them into mince meat pie.
That's what this tale should be about.
It's once upon a time for truth.
'Twas quite hard to swallow, no doubt.
After all, I have but one tooth.

Yes, I'm the one who ought to be
Happily ever after - me!

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Re Dedication

The U.S.S. New York now sails
To send the terrorists to hell.
Built during Katrina's fierce gales,
Workers who lost their homes did dwell
And kept working at the ship's site,
Believing that their work to build
Was so that American might
Would ever be, in that bow filled
With steel from the World Trade Towers.
The ship will take around the world
The great spirit that empowers
The Stars and Stripes, ever unfurled.

Made from sacred downed Towers steel,
The ship avenges that ordeal.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

One Moment Please

Shrinks strive to rehabilitate
Me from craving kiddie sex crime.
All I have to do is just wait
For the right circumstance and time.
Here I am under keeper guard
At the circus, so that the shrinks
Can show that they have worked so hard
To make me behave. Clowns methinks.
Look at those clowns kidding the kids.
If they knew what was on my mind,
The shrinks would be flipping their lids.
There's no changing stripes of my kind.

My keeper has fallen asleep.
I have a kiddie crave to keep.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Please Help Us, World

We are babies born on the Earth,
Part of the human family,
But deemed to be of little worth
By others who happen to be
Living in better circumstance,
Where malaria does not thrive;
And where there is the quite good chance
That babies born will stay alive.
We only wish the world would share
Resources cheap in relation
To the benefits, and would care
To join in human salvation.

There's no reason we have to die.
All we can ask the world is - why?

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Road Sign

Five older ladies in a car
Were out driving on the highway.
Deeming their slow speed quite bizarre,
A cop stopped them, to the dismay
Of the driver, who to him said
A sign marked 5 that they had passed,
And 5 was the speed that she sped.
Not going too slow or too fast.
"That sign was the road number, not"
"The speed limit," the cop replied.
The passengers looked overwrought.
He inquired and the driver sighed,

"The girls do look a little green."
"We just got off Route 119."