Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Bit O'Blarney

One day I found a pot of gold.
I was one happy, lucky guy.
Finders keepers - to have and hold,
All mine and not to question why.
I lugged that heavy pot right home,
And counted coins from dusk to dawn,
Till interrupted by a gnome,
Who said he was a leprachaun.
He said he had to take the pot,
To pay back taxes that I owed.
My pleas for mercy went for naught.
He grabbed the gold and hit the road.

Nobody ever ought to mess
With the wee folk at I.R.S.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

For the Family

I live in suburb U.S.A.
With my two kids and loving wife.
I'm a successful C.P.A.
It is an ordinary life.
I'm active in the P.T.A.,
Leader in the local scouts,
Volunteer for United Way,
Help my kids with their paper routes.
My oldest girl is just thirteen.
It's time for her to be his bride,
To be the master's chosen queen.
I'll send her to the other side.

I'm coaching little league tonight,
And then - the sacrificial rite.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Be Headed Haughtily

Her name was Marie Antoinette.
She was at one time Queen of France,
And represented that mind-set
Of self indulging circumstance.
Too often those who have so much
Have no desire to freely share;
But choose to scorn the common touch,
And make the "me" the only care.
The people hungered in the land,
While Queen Marie and friends dined well.
"Bother me not," was her command,
As the French nation did rebel.

"Let them eat cake, if there's no bread -"
"'Cause it's no heavy on my head."

Sense Sonnet - Acher

The Necklace

I'd been invited to a ball.
My gown was nice, but needed more.
And so I gave a friend a call,
Who lent a necklace which I wore.
The diamonds sparkled in the light.
I felt so special with them on.
In joy, I danced away the night,
Till I noticed the necklace was gone.
I couldn't find it anywhere.
So I bought one like it instead.
The years of debt were hard to bear.
One day I told my friend. She said,

"All your troubles were such a waste,"
"Because that necklace was just paste."

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Bad Breath

At a literary event,
Mark Twain was seated with a bore,
Who with a grandiose intent
Monopolized as orator.
This chatterbox claimed expertise
On all matters of life and death.
He jumped into fatalities,
And didn't stop to catch his breath.
Hope for the end brought no avail,
As Twain and others sighed and yawned.
The bore said, "Each time I exhale,"
"A poor soul goes to the beyond."

Mark Twain jumped in, "Sir, here's a hint -"
"Why don't you try chewing a mint?"

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Stalker Beware

Police said the body was found
In part of the park, overgrown;
Lying face up, nude, on the ground -
A male, identity unknown.
The loss of blood from castration
Was the cause of death apparent.
Until more investigation,
Police had no further comment.
But, I know that his name was Matt.
I know that he had thinning hair.
I know that he was full of "chat."
I know because he lured me there.

Web sickos with your beck and calls -
Hunt me and I'll cut off your balls.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Shopper Special

Police said the body was found
In a part of the park, overgrown;
A hand sticking out of the ground
Of a young female, name unknown.
She had died from strangulation,
Badly beaten and raped as well.
Until more investigation,
This was all the police could tell.
But, I know her name was Maureen;
And, I know she had golden hair;
And, I know that she was thirteen;
And, I know because I was there.

Looking, but hard to find - no sweat!
Shop fresh flesh on the Internet.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

At that Age

"It's damp out dear, you'll need your cap."
"I've got it Mom, thanks anyway."
"And take your brown coat with the flap."
"I will Mom, whatever you say."
"Now dear, will you be home by four?"
"Yes Mom, don't worry; I'll be back."
"Good! Let me help you out the door."
"Thanks Mom, and thank you for the snack."
"Now give your Mom a kiss my sweet."
"Ah Mom - okay... I've got to go."
"Shall I walk you across the street?"
"Mom - I'm a big boy now, you know?"

I guess when all is said and done.
Mom loves her eighty year old son.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Dressed in Time

I donned the treated body suit,
Made to protect my skin from air.
Then, I put on each ground-proof boot,
Over each shielded sock I wear.
Next came the gear for head and face.
And, to assure my safe eyesight,
Guard goggles were then put in place.
My special gloves, I pulled on tight.
At last with heavy duty screen,
I sprayed myself from head to toe.
I stepped into the test machine.
The green light meant ok to go.

All bundled up - zipped, snapped and tied,
I was ready to walk outside.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Ate What Words?

"You're a dear son for calling me,"
"And, all the way from Pakistan."
"I'm as pleased as a mom could be."
"I know you're such a busy man."
"Mom, did you get the bird I sent?"
"Yes, it was delicious. Thank you."
"So very moist and succulent."
"Dear - I saved the feathers too."
"My God, Mother - you ate the bird?"
"Eight languages that bird could speak."
"It could do Hamlet, word for word."
"I spent a fortune on that beak."

"Dear, this is so embarrassing."
"If only it had said something."

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Pick of the Litter

I listed new born pups for sale -
Four hundred dollars for each prime pup.
As I went out to get the mail,
A little boy was walking up.
He asked politely if he could
See the pups; so I brought them out.
One puppy could not walk too good,
Born crippled, for her life no doubt.
That pup lit up the young boy's face.
He asked how much; I said she's free.
For I had seen the boy's leg brace.
He held the pup, and said to me,

"This pup needs leg love just like mine."
"The two of us will do just fine."

Sense Sonnet -Tickler

Ass Sign

During the early Civil War,
Lincoln's generals in command
Came and went like a swinging door,
Winning less - more than Abe could stand.
Burnside was out, Hooker was in.
Lincoln ordered a picked up pace.
Hooker didn't know how to win,
But wished to stay in Abe's good grace.
He dressed up his plan of battle
By troop movement reports headlined,
"Headquarters are in the saddle."
An unimpressed Lincoln opined,

"His headquarters, it seems to me,"
"Are where his hindquarters should be."

Sense Sonnet - Acher

April Love

She was the one love of my life.
Her name was April, as in spring.
That's when I took her for my wife,
My love for April blossoming.
The rest of spring was ecstasy.
We stirred in summer's passioned blend,
And autumned in sweet harmony;
But winter brought a sudden end.
April, one night, announced her plan.
She wanted us to be unwed.
She'd always loved another man.
She aimed a gun and shot me dead.

Betrayal is so cold and cruel.
There's no fool like an April fool.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Denial

An old couple lived up the lane.
I guess they'd been there 'bout a year.
They seemed like nice folks, proud and plain.
It showed they loved each other dear.
But after that first visit call,
I only saw her to say, "Hi."
And, I did not see him at all.
Perhaps he was just very shy.
One night, while walking by their place,
I felt a sudden sense of dread.
Deciding to check, just in case -
I found them upstairs in their bed.

She soundly slept away the night,
His badly rotted corpse held tight.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

All Way Sucker

A tenderfoot was talking to
An oldtimer about snakebites.
The youth was asking what to do
If bitten in certain body sites.
"What about a bite on the arm?"
"Git a friend to open the wound."
"Suck out the poison, spit out the harm."
"Clean and patch to git it fine tuned."
"What about a bite on the thigh?"
"Same as an arm - open and shut."
"Then git yourself some quick shuteye."
"What about a bite on the butt?"

The oldtimer said, "Git bit thar,"
"Then you'll know who your true friends are."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Taken for Granted

I can't believe that I'm in jail.
The cops must have forced her to spill.
Well, soon I should be out on bail;
Then I will teach her to keep still.
So what - I like'em young and fresh.
She needs to be with a real man,
To know the pleasures of the flesh.
It's all a part of nature's plan.
What I do in the privacy
Of my own home, by day or night,
Should be entirely up to me;
'Cause this is my God given right.

All this butting in makes me mad.
She's my daughter and I'm her dad.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Mind Reset

While bowling with his team one night,
Ralph slipped and fell and struck his head.
He staggered up and out of sight.
Everyone thought Ralph was dead.
Ten years later he reappeared,
Amnesiac for that whole time.
His friends and family all cheered.
Ralph's memory was back in prime.
His wife told him that the whole block
Wanted to honor his return
That very night at eight o'clock.
Ralph told his wife of his concern,

"I 'preciate the nice invite,"
"But gee - not on my bowling night."

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Forgetful Forgiver

The nursing profession began
With Clara Barton as its guide.
Over her life career's long span,
Forgiving all was what she tried.
One time while talking with a friend,
The friend brought up an incident.
Clara was cheated in the end,
Which most would very much resent.
Clara listened, then said unfazed,
"My mind's a blank - on that leastwise."
"You don't say?" Her friend asked amazed.
Clara said, at her friend's surprise.

"No, I distinctly do recall"
"That I forgot that after all."

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Mistaken Identity

St. Peter went on holiday;
So Jesus stepped into his place.
The first man in line, old and grey,
Told Jesus facts to make his case.
"A carpenter, I had a son -"
"Special from the day he was born;"
"Transformed when all was said and done"
"To adoration from such scorn."
"Though happening in time long past,"
"The spirit of my son lives on,"
"His story told foreverlast,"
"For all the world to draw upon."

Jesus cried, "I'm your son, you know?"
The old man peered, "Pinocchio?"

Sense Sonnet - Acher

The Soldier

The war was over at long last.
The news spread through the soldierhood.
The time of fear and pain was past.
The thought of going home felt good.
So many of us lost to death.
Luckily, I was spared that fate.
I took a deep and grateful breath.
It was a time to celebrate.
I shot my gun into the air.
The bullet came down through my head.
My friends and family were there.
I said goodbye, then I was dead.

An hour after war did cease,
I was a casualty of peace.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Petty

The great debate 'tween cat and dog
Had catalytic dogmatics,
That filled a pawsome catalog
With doggerel of furry mix.
The cat insisted doggedly,
The dog was full of catterwaul,
Just barking up catastrophy;
A real pet peeve - doggone it all.
The charge was tossed to full dog ear,
And caused the dog to catapult
Scorning catcalls on his pet peer,
In categorical insult.

Dog day heated cataclysm -
Meowite versus bow wowism.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

B/E Day

World wide, we called it B/E Day.
It meant beginning of the end,
The day that Earth got in the way
Of a strange cloud, spread by the wind.
The cloud covered all land and sea.
At first, we didn't know the peril.
But, tests proved the reality -
The human race had been made sterile.
What would become of Planet Earth?
How long would man's extinction take?
We waited for that final birth,
Nine months and counting - give or take.

It happened in the early morn.
The last baby on Earth was born.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Paint Job

The Pope hired Michelangelo
To make the huge ceiling stand out
In the Sistine Chapel; to show
What faith and hope were all about.
Michelangelo gave his all.
He worked on his back, day and night,
In winter, spring, summer and fall,
Creating there a wondrous sight.
At last the frescoes were complete,
Well worth the long years toiled and tasked.
The Pope viewed the artistic feat.
"What do you think?" the artist asked.

"Not bad." the Pope said, "But, please note,"
"We do expect a second coat."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Manifest Destiny Revival

Post-Revolutionary War,
With thirteen new states in the east,
The Feds said, "Got to get some more -"
"All the way west, to say the least."
Over the years some land was bought.
Lots more was spoils of victory.
No matter how it all was got,
It was "manifest destiny."
Todays's south border - what to do?
The Feds are stuck in politics.
Look to the historical cue.
Money and might should be the fix.

To stop the border's northern flow,
Buy or wage war on Mexico.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Odd Couple

There once was a porcupine that
Wanted to find himself a bride.
Though almost as blind as a bat,
He searched throughout the countryside.
At last, he bumped into Miss Right,
A prickly prize - so shy and still.
Yes, it was love at first blurred sight.
He wooed her well with sharpened quill.
His courtship whirled around and round -
Day in, day out, sunrise, sunset.
But still, she made no move nor sound.
She must be playing hard to get.

Who says that a porcupine can't
Fall in love with a cactus plant?

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Footprints

I dreamed that I was at the sea.
I was walking along the beach.
God was walking along with me -
A set of footprints for us each.
Scenes from my life flashed in the sky;
And during times I suffered when,
Just one set of footprints walked by.
I asked God why I'd been left then.
"You are my precious child," God said.
"Through times you'll know and times you've known,"
"Especially through grief and dread,"
"You'll never have to walk alone."

"When footprints are one set - not two,"
"It was then, that I carried you."

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Down Deep

"Come spend a down deep day with me."
My Gram would call, and off we'd go.
I never knew what fun would be,
Just waiting there for us to show.
And, the end of each down deep day,
When it was time to go to sleep,
Gram would give me a kiss and say,
"We share a special love down deep."
I visit Gram when they allow.
It hurts to see her blankly stare
At me, a stranger to her now.
I hope down deep, Gram knows I care.

Though she's forgotten who I am,
I never will forget my Gram.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Go in Style

A father died, leaving two sons.
One was rich, living far away.
He gave his brother instructions,
"Whatever it costs, I will pay."
He was too busy to attend
The funeral, fit for a king.
He thought the bills would never end.
Dad's death was an expensive thing.
A monthly bill was being sent
From a store named, "The Finest Fit,"
For twenty-six dollars in rent.
He called his brother about it.

"You said spare no expense, and so,"
"I rented Dad a tuxedo."

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Solution

They didn't understand or care
How much this concert means to me.
It is a must that I be there,
No matter what the cost will be.
They said they would not change their minds,
That I would learn a lesson well.
So I will cut the tie that binds,
And send the bastards straight to hell.
They grounded me just out of spite.
Like skipping school was such a crime.
I stare into the silent night,
And know that it is now the time.

My parents are asleep in bed.
I stab them till they both are dead.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Getting Down to Bare Facts

A father asked his son if he
Knew who had pushed the outhouse off
Of the cliff and into the sea.
The son said with a nervous cough,
"Like George Washington as a lad,"
"I cannot tell a lie - and so"
"I pushed the outhouse. Sorry Dad."
The son's behind felt lots of woe.
The son cried out, "George Washinton"
"Was spared the rod when he came clean."
Of truth, the father asked his son,
Following the whipping routine,

"When George cut down that cherry tree,"
"His Dad was not in it - was he?"