Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Pick Me Up

I had a bit too much to drink,
Walking home very late at night.
With gin bottle, I'm tickled pink.
I stop there in the road to light
A cigarette, and think I heard
A loud train whistle nearby blast.
Then it all happens quick and blurred,
As that freight train goes zooming past.
The next thing that I know, I wake
Up in the ER with a doc
Asking me if I hurt. I shake
My head yes, and think - gin would rock!

The doc then asks what caused my pain.
I say I tried to catch a train.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

What Concerns Me...

I had a bit too much to drink,
Walking home very late at night.
With a gin bottle, I'm pickled pink.
I stop there in the road to light
A cigarette, and think I heard
A loud train whistle nearby blast.
Then it all happens quick and blurred,
As that freight train goes zooming past.
Through the air, I go flying high,
And hit the ground haphazardly,
Broken in pieces where I lie.
All I can wonder is - why me?

That damn train came at a bad time,
Breaking my gin bottle - that's a crime!

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

I'll Drink to That

I had a bit too much to drink,
Walking home very late at night.
With gin bottle, I'm tickled pink.
I stop there in the road to light
A cigarette, and think I heard
A loud train whistle nearby blast.
Then it all happened quick and blurred,
As that freight train goes zooming past.
Through the air I go flying high,
But hit the ground safe on my feet.
I take a swig of gin and sigh,
And keep on walking down the street.

How many folks out there can say?
A train hit me! I walked away!

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Delayed Reaction

I had a bit too much to drink,
Walking home very late at night.
With gin bottle, I'm pickled pink.
I stop there in the road to light
A cigarette, and think I heard
A loud train whistle nearby blast.
Then it all happens quick and blurred,
As the freight train goes zooming past.
I must have been right on the track.
But then I get up from the ground,
And slowly do make my way back
Home, where I pass out, sure and sound.

Sober, I wake up in my bed,
But cannot move, 'cause I am dead.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

One Last Stand

I had a bit too much to drink,
Walking home very late at night.
With gin bottle, I'm pickled pink.
I stop there in the road to light
A cigarette, and think I heard
A loud train whistle nearby blast.
Then it all happens quick and blurred,
As that freight train goes zooming past.
I am on the track, standing there,
Holding that gin bottle in hand.
The smell of death is in the air,
As I stand still in my last stand.

My life does flash before my eyes.
Then black - still kind of a surprise.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Spousal Report

Three wives were conversing about
Asserting themselves to their men,
Telling their husbands, without doubt,
The rooster should help out the hen.
On the third day, the first wife said
Her husband was cooking the meals,
And was even making the bed.
On the third day, after appeals,
The second wife's spouse washed the clothes,
Then ironed them and put them away.
He cleaned with mop and vacuum hose.
The third wife recalled her third day,

"I could see," she said with a sigh,
"A little out of my left eye."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Family Outing

It was my birthday, so I took
My 4 kids out for a nice lunch.
The kids said I shouldn't cook,
No Alice of the Brady Bunch.
I needed to pick up some cash.
My teenage son he'd do it.
At a gas station, in a flash,
He was in and out with the hit.
Three more stations we had to rob,
To get enough money to eat.
It turned out to be quite a job
To afford a nice birthday treat.

A happy birthday, it was not.
The cops chased us and we got caught.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Pate Rate

I am a frequent flying man,
And also happen to be bald.
The airline sold me on a plan
To have a message mode installed.
Since waiting in lines seems to be
A way of life at all airports,
Waiting people would apt to see
A written commercial of sorts,
That would be tattooed on the skin
Of the back of my scalp, and would
Promote a faster, new check in
Service, soon to be here for good.

Each time when all is done and said,
Bald I am and money ahead.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

One Move A-Head

We've been around longer than you.
But you don't treat us very nice,
Killing us with chemical goo.
What's your beef against us lice?
Your children let us come and go.
We really are a perfect match.
Our presence, you'd hardly know,
If you did not overly scratch.
But here's the new deal, F.Y.I.
We have evolved beyond your scope,
And can't be stopped, hard as you try.
We're here to stay. You'll have to cope.

On your kiddie, this super louse
Will soon be coming to your house.

Sense Sonnets - Acher

Finally

A far off place called Vietnam,
I'd never heard of it before
The greetings came from Uncle Sam,
And I was shipped there to wage war.
It was hell in that time and place.
Two days before I was to leave,
I disappeared without a trace,
Missing in action, Christmas Eve.
Locals found me. I'd been shot dead.
I was buried where I'd been found.
Decades eroded my grave bed.
My remains were pulled from the ground.

I'm somes' memories from the past,
And I am coming home at last.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Pedestrian on all Fours

On my bicycle, coasting down
A hill on a back road somewhere.
Suddenly, there's a blur of brown,
And I crash right into a bear.
Over the handlebars I fly,
And roll down the bear's furry back.
Thinking in a flash - why oh why
Am I to be a tasty snack?
I hit the ground running like wind,
Back up the hill I had just come.
Glancing back, I'm sure the bear grinned,
Letting me go 'cause I'm so dumb.

I told the cops what I had done.
I was guilty of hit and run.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Maybe Baby

In a short time I will be due.
I know Mom wants what's safe for me.
A few weeks ago she went through
The job of getting plastics free
Of the chemical, B.P.A.,
Which may or may not be bad for
Newborns like me who have no say.
It's hard to know the risks in store
From all the things experts cannot
Agree, as to whether they will
Become a future trouble spot,
That can deform or even kill.

I just want my life to start out,
Unfilled by stuff with lots of doubt.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Recycle Movement

I live in a cutting edge town,
That is giving a first time taste
Of energy bills going down,
By conversion of human waste.
The sewer system drains into
A new high tech facility,
With a state of the art breakthrough
That converts waste impurity
Into pure methane gas, that then
Gets the processing to be churned
To electricity - amen -
Back to my house it is returned.

The more saving I can recoup,
The more I hit the head to poop.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Tree Attack

An old elm tree stands all alone
On top of a small barren hill.
It's strange that nothing else has grown
Around the tree, and all is still.
There are no sounds of bug or bird
I walk up the hill, till I reach
The tree trunk. Massive is the word,
With overhanging branches - each
Appearing ominous in shape.
Suddenly, I am struck by one.
It wraps around my arm like tape.
Breaking free, I begin to run.

I glance back at that old elm tree.
Branches are coming after me.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Anniversary Gifts

It was their anniversary.
One year in loving, wedded bliss.
Neither of them had much money,
But had in mind a gift for this.
A new wrist watch band she had seen,
To replace the one he had lost.
It said success in golden sheen.
It also said how much the cost.
A new easel stand for her art,
To replace the old broken one,
To hold safe what came from her heart,
Brushed onto canvas until done.

She sold her paints to buy his band.
He sold his watch to buy her stand.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Old and Sly

The farmer bought a new rooster
To replace the one that was old.
So not wanting that to occur,
The old cock said that they should hold
A race, with the winner take all.
The new, young rooster did agree,
And even gave a head start - small -
To the old one, as a freebie.
The race is on, the old ahead.
The farmer sees the chasing there,
And shoots the new, young rooster dead,
Saying to himself in despair,

"I buy 3 roosters - 1 a day."
"So far every one's been gay!"

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Infanticide

My man told me to have his kid.
He said he'd take care of us.
So for 9 months that's what I did.
Now a month old, the kid just fuss.
And where's my man through all of this?
Hell, he took off faster than light.
He said he couldn't give a piss
About doin' for me what's right.
So now what am I s'posed to do?
This here bundle of joy is not.
It won't stop with all the boo hoo.
I'm gonna dump the little snot.

The kid don't know how to behave.
I stuck it in the microwave.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Newman's Own

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean,
His best buddy was a boozed bear.
Road to Perdition - he was mean,
With those blue eyes and thinning hair.
The Hustler, he was Fast Eddie
As a brash, young pool shootin' kid,
Who aged in Color of Money,
And took an Oscar - yes he did.
Anti-hero Butch Cassidy,
Then conning the cons in the Sting.
Yes, Somebody Up There Likes Me.
Hombre, Harper and Hud - Winning.

The movies made Paul Newman known.
He was in a league of his own.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Oven Lovin'

My wife found this cake recipe
In a magazine. It called for
Twenty nutmeg nuts, and so she
Went and bought a bunch at the store.
She baked the cake, and I was first
To eat a piece. I felt quite ill.
My stomach felt like it would burst.
The doctors said nutmeg can kill.
We found out the recipe should
Have read, nutmeg - only a pinch.
I did recover pretty good.
At times my wife does make me flinch.

The dear baked me, for heaven's sake,
Another nutmeg in it cake.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Big Deal

Since I started playing baseball,
I guess I've been puttin on weight.
But I don't think I should get all
The grief I get for what I ate.
I'm a growing kid, and I need
The stuff that's in the food I eat.
I got a lot of youth to feed.
Only the weirdos are petite.
I get plenty of exercise,
Playing sports and running around.
A few snacks like burgers and fries
Just sneak up on me pound by pound.

The coach told me I could not bat,
All because I was just too fat.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

No Match

I moved in with this family,
Kind of an uninvited guest.
And have been driving them crazy.
Getting rid of me is their quest.
But, the're so easy to predict,
As to what they're gonna do next.
I love watchin' them get all ticked.
(No pun intended to insects)
I expect to keep up this fun,
Spending all my remaining days,
Watching this here family run,
Helpless with all their swats and sprays.

When it comes down to eye to eye,
A human's no match for a fly.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Bad State

The governments are passing laws
To assure that they can control
My dependence on them, because
They need my body, mind and soul
To be completely in their charge
Along with all the rest of us.
Not content with just being large,
Governments aim to be like pus,
Infecting all that they do touch.
My body functions become
Theirs, as to when, where and how much.
I'm stuck under their rules of thumb.

Big Brother's watching night and day.
The nanny state is here to stay.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Reunion

Eight years ago Dad disappeared.
A decomposed corpse was then found.
Authorities told me they feared
That the evidence did abound
That it was Dad. They seemed so sure
So now, I am watching T.V. -
A nearby nursing home tour.
And who do you think that I see?
Dad! He was brought in years ago,
With no I.D. He'd hurt his head.
Suffering amnesia since - so
Dad was still alive - not dead.

Who can help the amnesiac?
I'm just glad to have my Dad back.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Head of State - State of Head

I look out over the vast crowd,
And smile, and begin my address.
As President, I'm very proud
Of my first term's stunning success.
And now I start my second term,
Confidant that the next four years
Will continue to so confirm
Good reason for applause and cheers.
As I am speaking, I look and see
Two nurses are coming my way.
Soon they are standing next to me.
I hear one of the nurses say,

"Try to leave this patient alone."
"He's in a dream world of his own,"

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Drop Out

The relay race - Olympic gold,
That was the goal the team had sought.
Years of training through hot and cold,
We kept in mind that only thought.
At last it was the time to race.
It all came down to moments run.
We started out at a good pace.
Each team member ran one by one.
But one brought disaster to us.
All hopes for victory were gone.
Nothing to do but cry and cuss.
A team member dropped the baton.

Because of me, we lost the dream.
I was the dropper on the team.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Just a Bit

A big hound dog laid on the lawn.
Nearby, an old geezer did sit.
A traveling salesman came on
The scene, and paused there for a bit.
"Does your dog bite?" the salesman asked.
"Nope." The old geezer replied back.
Then the dog's face got snarling masked.
That salesman came under attack.
Bitten about the arms and head
By the dog, as it fiercely growled.
"Call the dog off. I thought you said"
"It doesn't bite." The salesman howled.

"My dog don't bite," smiled the old guy,
"'Cause that there dog ain't mine, that's why."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Fertilized Face

The gal at the facial salon
Was explaining the best treatment.
She was jabbering on and on
In broken English, with accent.
At last she stopped, so I just said
That everything sounded good,
And please, she should just go ahead
And give me the facial that would
Make the softest smoothest skin.
She spread some goop over my face,
And left it awhile to soak in -
A bit smelly in any case,

What really was this facial goop?
A very expensive bird poop!

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Got Clean

I got mixed up with the wrong crowd.
They turned me onto heroin.
I wandered around in a cloud,
A mess in a drug addict's skin.
I suffered all kinds of abuse.
Then my drug buddies tossed me out,
When I was on no further use.
Helplessly, I wandered about.
But then, some good souls rescued me.
I went to rehab for 3 years,
And got methodone shots daily.
Clean happens if one perserveres.

I'm a miracle, to be blunt,
A recovering elephant.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Coming Through

The valley was a place of lore,
That native inhabitants knew
From time to time became a door.
Creatures attempted to come through.
Flashings of lights would then become
Beings about the shape and size
Of humans; but for sure not from
This Earth. Large heads with big red eyes,
Looking for the possible way
Not to explode into thin air,
But to find the secret to stay.
So far no creature survived there.

E.T.s coming to wish us well?
Or demons bringing bad from hell?

Sense Sonnet - Acher

I'll Miss Dee

I'm 5 years old, and I am blind.
My sister, Dee, was my best friend.
We'd walk together with me behind,
Holding on to her pocket end.
We were walking the other day,
Along the sidewalk to the store.
Sounds of popping came our way.
Dee wasn't standing anymore,
I felt her lying on the ground.
Something sticky was on my hand.
Dee wasn't making any sound.
I yelled for help. People came, and -

A bullet killed my sister, Dee.
I'm glad I did not have to see.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Oldly Newlyweds

A man and woman, very old,
Were in the midst of wedding vows.
After the"have and to hold,"
The man slipped into a short browse.
When coming to, he did not know
If she had said "I do" or not.
It bothered him a bunch, and so,
Interrupting the tie the knot,
He apologized and asked her
If she'd said "I do" as yet.
Her expression seemed in a blur.
She replied, somewhat in a fret,

"I remember saying 'I do,'"
"But can't remember - who are you?"