Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Harry

The year was 1953,
In Missouri on a highway.
A flat tire was delaying me.
A bent jack furthered that delay.
A car pulls up. A guy gets out.
He looks familiar I confess.
He says hello, and asks about
Whether he can help. I say yes.
I tell him thanks after we're done,
And remark his resemblance to
Harry Truman, son of a gun.
Grinning, the man says, "Yes, that's true."

"That Truman really looks like me,"
"Because I am that S.O.B."

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Not a Good Sign

Things were pretty much all the same,
Eat, sleep and other body stuff.
But then, this here big bad truck came,
Loaded me and hauled my fat duff,
Along with others. No one knew
Where we was a headin' or why.
When the truck stopped, we got a clue.
A McDonalds sign caught my eye.
I led the charge out the truck door,
Down the street in a mad stampede.
Rounded up, on the truck once more.
"Moo"icide to jump at this speed.

The future sure don't look no fun.
I bet I end up on a bun.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Intent

I needed a new kidney, fast.
But, because of a rare blood type,
Almost all transplants would not last.
But, I had no reason to gripe.
Dad was compatible and gave
Me one of his and well it went.
But, then the doctors could not save
It after a car accident.
The ER doctors, at Dad's plea,
Said in good conscience they could not
Use his other kidney for me.
Dad went into the parking lot.

"Save her," were the last words Dad said,
Then shot a bullet through his head.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

What to Do!

A lady found a penguin that
On the top of her car did sit.
She took it where a cop was at,
And asked what she should do with it.
"Take it to the zoo," the cop said.
The next day, the cop again saw
That lady and that bird she led.
There was nothing against the law,
But curious to what was what,
He said, "Hi," then did continue,
"The bird's still with you; but I thought"
"You were taking it to the zoo."

"We went to the zoo yesterday."
"Today, we're off to the ballet."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Modern Medicine

President Garfield was shot
In the back. The bullet went deep.
The fingers of 10 doctors sought
To locate the slug, and still keep
The President alive. Alas,
No bullet was found, but instead,
Infection invaded in mass,
And throughout the body did spread.
A metal detector was used
By Alexander Graham Bell.
The President was not amused
When it found bed springs, but no shell.

It took over 2 months to die.
Garfield could only wonder why.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Model Upgrade

Well, I guess that I must be dead,
Since I'm floating in my bedroom,
And see me lying in my bed.
Someone will find me I assume.
I can't say getting old was fun.
Bit by bit, I just fell apart.
The organs fizzled one by one.
Not too much worked in this old fart.
I wonder what will happen now.
Am I supposed to see some light?
Is there a chance for sex somehow?
It's been too long without, all right.

I hope I get, if there's a God,
A perfect speciman buff bod.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Jersey Devil

The Jersey Devil's been around
Since early colonial times
In New Jersey's Pine Barrens ground,
Blamed for assorted sights and crimes.
Winged and wiry with grotesque face,
Maybe supernatural or
E.T. from some alien place;
A throwback to the dinosaur;
Or from some dimensional link;
Or maybe just imaginings
Of those who've had too much to drink.
J.D. could be so many things.

Cashing in on J.D. can't hurt.
How 'bout a mug or tee shirt?

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Old Blood and Guts

George S. Patton, a man of war,
Of World War II to be precise.
A General warrier to the core,
Winning was all, whatever price.
Ivory pistols at his side,
Scornful, brash, arrogantly full.
In war his acts were justified.
In peace he was expendible.
Superiors chose to relieve
Him of command of troops he'd led.
No more victories to achieve.
Shortly thereafter, he was dead.

A passenger in a car wreck.
Such dull dying must have been heck.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Ear Full

Bernie joined a monestary.
He had to take a silence vow.
Each 7th anniversary,
Two words from him, rules did allow.
7 years went by and he said,
"Cold floors." After 7 years more,
The 2 words he spoke were, "Hard bed."
Then 7 years later, "Food's poor."
The next 7 years came about,
"No cable," Bernie said with a sigh.
After this, Bernie got kicked out.
The head monk tersely told him why.

"I've had all of you I can take."
"All you can do is bellyache."

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

My Christmas Present

Santa Claus put me on his lap,
And asked me what I'd like to get
For Christmas, what gift to unwrap,
'Cause I'd been so good Santa bet.
"I'm good most of the time," I said.
"I want Dad to be proud of me."
"Toys and stuff are nice, but instead,"
"I want Dad to come home safely."
"He's in the army in Iraq,"
"And he's been gone quite a long while."
"I hope that soon he's coming back."
"Look there," Santa said with a smile.

The gift I wished for - Santa had.
I turned around and there was Dad.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Just Relax

I don't understand all the fuss
About how I practice dentistry.
Female patients' jaws lock, and thus,
A technique I use breaks them free.
I gently massage both the breasts,
Relaxing muscles to the head.
A jaw unlocking manifests.
The dental work goes in good stead.
Some patients have now accused that
I did commit sexual crime.
A victim of just tit for tat,
I'm forced to waste a lot of time.

I'm asked why I don't massage men.
The technique doesn't work well then.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Head On

For all my life I loved the stage.
Acting was in my flesh and bone.
When at last I died of old age,
I would not leave the itch alone.
While most of me was burned to ash
And scattered up and down Broadway,
My skull was kept to make a splash
As a prop in many a play.
Comedy or tragedy be,
I can be depended upon
For whatever skullduggery
Is scripted - the show must go on.

I hope the cast all break a leg.
But, please don't break this skull, I beg.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Shadow Thing

Out of the corner of my eye,
I glimpse a shadowy form dart,
As though in a rush to pass by,
And scurry on to unknown part.
Is my brain just playing a trick,
Knowing that I'm overly tired?
There it is again - gliding quick,
Back at me, as though it is wired
To interrupt its former route,
Because it senses it was seen,
And now must check the seer out.
There's no escaping in between.

Now it's looming in front of me,
With glowing red eyes that can see.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Death Dealt

Wild Bill Hickok went on a break
From Deadwood law and order flair.
He anteed up a poker stake,
Taking the only empty chair,
Exposing his back to the crowd.
But, he chose to look at the wall,
Just for the short period he allowed.
Fate brought Jack "Crooked Nose" McCall
Into the saloon. He saw Bill,
And slowly snuck up from behind,
Pulling out his colt for the kill,
While Bill had poker on his mind.

Wild Bill held aces and eights, and
Since, it's been called the dead man's hand.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Point Less

Edgar Allan Poe was in fact,
Briefly, a cadet at West Point.
The parade dress rule was exact -
A rifle over shoulder joint,
And wearing belt and gloves, all white.
Accordingly, Poe was so dressed,
Presenting to the brass, a sight.
Poe's superiors were very stressed.
He was ordered before a board
To explain why he had rebelled.
Poe maintained he was in accord
With the dress rule. He was expelled.

Belt, gloves and rifle - whereupon,
Those things were all that Poe had on.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Growing Pains

I've been farming for quite a while,
Right there along the interstate.
The crop stretches about a mile.
Mostly at night, I cultivate
My marijuana field of dreams.
I prob'ly should have stuck to days.
My lamp called attention it seems,
And caused some suspicions to raise
From passing motorists, I guess.
All of a sudden, cops appear.
And now, I've got this legal mess,
Screwing up my farming career.

What I need to get now for me
Is a federal farm subsidy.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Just in Case

I am walking along to school,
Carrying my violin case.
Early band practice, that's the rule.
Not my favorite time and place.
About halfway through the crosswalk,
This car comes barrelling at me.
No time to move, my legs just lock.
I'm hit and knocked into a tree.
Just some little bruises and cuts.
The violin case took the hit.
Later, I'll prob'ly think I'm nuts,
But, I don't mind practice one bit.

I'm sure glad my violin
Was covered by that thicker skin.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Inflicted

It's over 20 years ago,
I committed an awful crime,
Raping a child. And, I do know
That I deserved the prison time.
And while behind bars I know that
Even though others hurt me bad,
I couldn't act, where I was at,
On urges to hurt kids I had.
But now back in society,
I have no feeling that I'm free.
Everywhere, children I see,
The old sickness is still in me.

Urges are consuming my life.
I'm cutting them off with a knife.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Halloween Lost

We'd been having trick or treat fun.
Mom took me and my brother, Dan.
He was a cowboy with no gun.
I was the doll, Raggedy Ann.
We three had done the neighborhood,
And it wasn't even dark yet.
Our bags held as much as they could.
Mom would give it out slow, I bet.
A car came roaring down the street.
I could hear lots of popping sound.
Then, Mom just fell down at my feet.
Her head was bleeding on the ground.

In front of home, my Mom got shot.
A beautiful angel, God got.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Hard to Keep Track

A lady had a heart attack.
In the hospital, she saw God.
She asked God if she would come back
To life again. He gave a nod,
And said she had 50 years more.
She recovered, and chose to stay,
To look lots better than before,
Since her life had such a long way.
Facelift, hair job and tummy tuck
She had done, then went home nearby.
In route, she was killed by a truck.
She asked God why did He'd let her die.

God replied, "What I said was true,"
"But, I did not recognize you."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

No Longer Suitable for Children

We must no longer tolerate
Such an icon so incorrect.
There's being grossly overweight.
Labor practices go unchecked.
Unnatural animal acts
Occur on an ongoing pace.
There are indisputable facts
Of borders crossed, case after case,
Illegally with no passport.
Then, there's the laughing off in slang,
Being of the offensive sort
To women - that ho ho harangue.

The future needn't fret, because
There will be no more Santa Claus.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

Working Class

For 20 years I've done this toil.
I started as a child of 10.
I'm called a worker of night soil
By those who are polite; but then
Others do call me names so vile.
This used to cause me such great pain.
But now, I just hear not and smile.
10 to 12 hours I do drain,
By hand, the latrine pits, each day;
Hauling out human excrement,
Getting 4 or 5 dollars pay.
If I stay healthy, then I'm content.

I do not do this job for me.
I do it for my family.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Play with Me

Thanks a lot for letting me in.
But I'm no delivery guy.
Just a so bad doer of sin,
Who gets off getting folks to die.
Kind of like a scavenger hunt,
Looking for the right prize to kill.
You may think it's a stupid stunt,
But it's a game of luck and skill.
And, part of you will leave with me.
Call it a trophy souvenir.
Of course, that part you get to see,
Before I go and leave you here.

Hey c'mon now, beg for your life.
What's got your tongue? Oh yeah - my knife.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Wind and Fire

The Santa Ana winds have blown
For each year through my neighborhood,
Making it a fire hazard zone.
Years I've been here - so far so good.
This year it's especially dry.
The winds blow especially hard.
The ash and smoke fill up the sky.
Thousands of acres are left charred.
At first I thought that I'd be spared.
Reports said fires were not nearby.
But then, the order to leave aired.
I had no time to question why.

On T.V., I watched the fire burn.
Home after home, then my home's turn.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Back Seat in Motion

Officer, it wasn't my fault
That my vehicle hit this pole.
I tried to get this spin to halt,
But just completely lost control.
The back end of this make is prone
To fishtail over anything.
I knew that when I heard the moan
From the back, that it might swing.
I yelled a warning, but too late.
The swerving motion had begun.
I tried to steer to a safe fate -
This pole when all was spun and done.

The backseat couple having sex
Caused back tire spinning out effects.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

Just a Kiss

Destruction of a work of art -
That's the accusation that's made
Against me, trying to impart
My love for a painting, top grade.
I saw it in the gallery,
Such a spellbinding piece abstract.
I found myself in ecstasy.
Closing in on it, my lips smacked
Against its patterns of bone white.
Suddenly, were sounds of alarm.
Security held me quite tight,
Accusing me of big bucks harm.

The authorities do nitpick
Over just a little lipstick.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

What a Ride

I was in my crib, fast asleep,
When a twister tore through the place,
Like a broom making a sweep.
It swept my crib out of its space,
Swirling me right up through a hole
In the roof, spinning me around.
Down the street, I went in a roll.
In a neighbor's yard I hit ground.
Thank goodness, my folks were okay.
They wondered what happened to me.
My gurgling sounds led them my way.
They found me under some debris.

I'm just 1 year old, and I flew.
What's gonna happen when I'm 2?

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

Bloody Mary

The Bloody Mary story goes
That she was a murdering witch.
While burning in the fiery glows,
She screamed to the crowd a curse, which
Said that any who called her name
Three times out loud before a mirror
Would feel the hellish wrath that came
To put to death from grotesque fear.
I dared my sister, if she would
Have the nerve to test this old curse..
She said that in all liklihood,
Goaders like me just made it worse.

My sister died later that night.
Her face was twisted in pure fright.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

Judy

Judy Garland, A Star is Born,
Her movie imitating life.
Between angels and demons torn,
As daughter and mother and wife.
Now, forever immortalized
As Dorothy in Wizard of Oz.
Her face is always recognized;
Performances still bring applause.
But as she aged in public eye,
The drugs and booze did take their toll.
Her stardom was tarnished thereby.
Her life became a tragic role.

They found her lying in her bed.
Judy o.d.ed, a star was dead.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

Two friends and I were going to
The desert for a retreat.
I asked each of them if they knew
What I should take to beat the heat.
One said that an umbrella would
Be a good thing to provide shade.
"A water bottle's always good,"
The other said, "As a thirst aid."
I thought a while and then I said,
"I'm going to take a car door."
They both looked like I'd lost my head.
So I told them what it was for.

"When it gets too hot doncha know?"
"I can roll down the car window."

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

No Sale

I, a citizen of Belgium,
Believe this country needs a kick,
From bankrupt here to kingdom come.
A new owner might do the trick.
So, I have put it up for sale,
As is, in whole or in parts 3.
Buy your own fractured fairy tale.
I'll throw in king and court for free.
The country comes with loads of debt.
But, its chocolates are quite good.
It's up for sale with some regret,
Now the joke of the neighborhood.

14 million bucks on EBay,
But the Web police say, "No way."