Sense Sonnet - Chiller

 My Brain in a Jar

Only reason I married her,

She owned a bar and I could booze

For free and the wife learned for sure,

Wed, I did win and she did lose.

She knew no way would I divorce,

As I drank her profits away.

So to get rid of me of course

She poisoned me, then did filet

My body into hor d'oeuvres for

Her bar patrons at no expense,

Who all gobbled me down galore,

Getting rid of the evidence.

On a shelf right behind the bar

Is my pickled brain in a jar.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 To Hell in a Handbasket

To me Momma often would tell

That I was living my life such,

For sure I was heading for hell.

Momma's warnings did not mean much

To me as I lived a death wish

That hell my afterlife would be,

Cuz I was just so devilish,

The devil'd surely welcome me.

I did cry so when Momma died,

Cuz knew we'd ever be apart,

She in heaven and in hell I'd

Be, knowing I broke Momma's heart.

I'll go like Marie Antoinette,

Head to hell in a handbasket.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Shake Up

The salt and pepper shakers got

Into an argument about

Which of the seasonings was thought

To be more popular no doubt.

As each shaker did turn and tilt,

Salt and pepper flew out of them,

Until all seasoning was spilt.

The shakers paused in their mayhem.

Over their shoulders each threw salt,

Hoping not for luck that was bad.

Neither admitted any fault,

As a round of bad luck both had.

As pepper floated through the breeze,

Both shakers shook in fits of sneeze.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 Melancholy Me

Sometimes I felt so very sad,

I couldn't even get out of bed.

I blamed the hubby that I had.

So the last time I shot him dead,

Dragged his body to the cellar,

Dug a hole and buried him there.

But then I kind of missed the feller.

Deeply sad I became aware.

Who would I blame for it this time?

Then on T.V. I heard a shrink

Talk about the deep sad that I'm

Now having and got me to think.

I am so happy that I be

Not just sad, but melancholy.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 She Caught Me

The bottom of the 9th I got

Hit hard and knew, as I flew up

High over the field, that I ought

To end up as a home run, yup,

The dream of each and every ball.

As toward the center bleachers I 

Sailed, knowing I'd made the right call,

I thought to myself why not try

To make a dream come true unfold

For the little fan I could see

Of a girl, maybe five years old,

Standing up, just waiting for me.

Dropped right into her glove, I did,

Making the day for this young kid.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 Toys By and For Children

Expensive dolls for boys and girls.

Some dolls are hero action type,

And some cute with golden curls.

Each year much advertising hype

Does send the kids to their folks to

Once again, as done before,

Indulge their kids with high priced new

Toys to add to the many more

These kids already received and

Discarded to the old toys pile,

And now demand the latest brand

To play with for a little while.

And making expensive doll toys,

Slave labored little girls and boys.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Unsaid Wish for You

A very special day it is.

I know you feel has little worth,

And how you feel, that be your biz,

Just another year from your birth.

I know the more you age you get

The less inclined to want to hear

About it, cuz the more upset

You are aging another year.

And so the present I present

To you along with your fav cake,

Just don't consider evident

What I wish you for hush hush sake.

And so I wish for you instead

A birthday I will leave unsaid.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Inspiring

Augustus Toplady, tale told,

Was traveling alone when caught

In a fierce storm, wind, rain and cold.

Quickly a safe haven he sought,

Finding a cleft in a huge rock.

Able to huddle snug within,

Augustus had the time to talk,

And then write down his hope his sin

Would wash away by the Lord's gift.

All the more precious should he live

If and when the storm's wrath would lift.

Till then, safety the rock did give.

Inspired within the rock's safety,

"Rock of Ages" hymn came to be.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Not Expecting This Holiday!

On holiday taken in France

Three years ago the wife became

In surprise pregnant circumstance.

Two years ago happened the same

While on holiday in Norway.

Then a year ago did again,

Her pregnancy on holiday,

This time happening while in Spain.

So with the next holiday, I'm

Going through lots of stress and strife

Trying to plan for place and time

With no pregnancy of the wife.

Upcoming holiday to be,

I better take the wife with me.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 Metaphor Us!

I'm building castles in the air,

And with such grandeur for us two,

In times and places when and where

A perfect life we will pursue.

Any doubts will fade away, plus

You will come to praise me on this,

That my plans are the best for us,

Assuring of ongoing bliss.

I'll convince you it's worth it all.

Together, castles we can build,

High in the air, never to fall,

Where all our dreams can be fulfilled.

Oh please don't tell me with your frown,

All these castles have fallen down!

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 Re"symbol"ed

He gave me to her long ago,

And swore I was a symbol of,

As wearing me, she'd always know,

His faithful forever true love.

But on their fateful wedding day,

He left her at the altar and

With another did run away.

But I remained still on her hand,

As then a recluse spinster she

Became and rarely her home leave.

The many years passed, she kept me

A symbol now of why to grieve.

So far I've not had to reveal

My diamond setting is not real.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

My Mood "Eggs"actly

Eggs are a food I like to feed

Whatever emotion presents

Momentarily prime indeed.

Feeling somewhat confused and tense,

Scramble some eggs is what I do.

On occasion when downright mad,

I am most inclined to pursue

A couple of boiled be had.

In a state of melancholy,

I go for the coddled eggs, yup.

And when very happy be me,

Of course eggs are sunny side up.

When I am in a mood to joke,

A beer with a chaser of yolk.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Royal Fan

Jane Austin had a loyal royal fan,

The then Prince Regent who praised her.

She disliked him as a weak man,

But at his request did assure

That her next novel, "Emma," would

Be dedicated to the Prince.

And true to her word, Jane made good

In bold type dedication, hence,

Into the Royal Library went

"Emma," Jane's duty had been done.

But in private she would present

The Prince as a bore to poke fun.

After Jane passed away, this same

Royal fan, King George the Fourth became.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Popular No Show

I do avoid the crowds a lot,

But want the crowds to think of me

As type of person to be sought

As being quite good company.

So a difficult line to walk,

Being deemed a popular one,

Without having to make much talk,

But still impress as full of fun.

So when my appearance is asked,

At making excuses I'm skilled.

For saying no, I'm well tasked

In ways and means that are fun filled.

I have no intention to go,

But want invitations to show.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

 Sands of Time

In the desert alone I'm stuck,

Caught in the clutches of quicksand.

In only moments the sands suck

Me down and no chance to withstand.

The dire fate, no rescue in sight,

Only my head is now still out.

But then, firm footing stops my plight.

No more sinking, in joy I shout.

Some more time for rescue I've got,

But now a new problem instead,

Coming across the sands a lot.

The ants start crawling on my head.

One way to view this is that I'm

Gonna stretch out these sands of time.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

 Most Chosen

In the beginning earth was made,

Then God put animals and plants.

I said to God, "Let's make a trade."

So God made humans with the chance

Pick good or pick me to pursue.

God knows I got the better deal.

Given that choice, most humans do

Find that I have the most appeal.

Oh, God does threaten now and then

To punish mine on judgement day.

But still God loses and I win.

It's just human to live my way.

As long as humans have free choice,

I, evil, have the winning voice.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

 Bubba's Gonna Pay

Bad Bubba shot me with his gun

Just becuz I played a sad song.

Pain and suffering by me was done.

Getting fixed, Bubba done me wrong.

I was only doing my job,

Playing music that others chose.

Bad Bubba injured me a gob,

And my damages, Bubba owes.

Bubba's on notice I want cash.

Both parties are involved in talks.

I'm victim of his crime so rash.

Bubba's gonna pay this jukebox.

Bubba knows what I'm set to do,

Gonna take him to court and sue.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Wedding Called Off

Max and Buffy decided to

Have their wedding during lunch break.

Off to the church to say, "I do,"

On a bus the couple did take.

Once at the church they waited for

The pastor to come and to say

Words to wed them forevermore,

Starting on this, their wedding day.

A phone call was made 'twixt and 'tween

The pastor and the school from where

Buffy and Max had last been seen,

Both of them were first graders there.

Then the wedding was called off by

Parents of the young gal and guy.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Clarity

My pal, victim of hit and run.

The operator asked where I

Was, after I'd called 911.

"Eucalyptus Road," my reply,

"28's the address we're at."

The operator asked of me,

"The road name, would you please spell that?"

"Just to assure there's clarity."

I knew I had to make a choice.

Took time, the effort made me groan.

Hearing the operator's voice,

Breathless I got back on the phone,

"I'm so sorry for the delay."

"I dragged my pal 'round to Pine Way."

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 Eternally Yours

Long that you're gone still breaks my heart.

You had to leave when young we were.

Too early we were forced to part.

Left alone I had to endure.

I swore to you that I would not

Chase after you when you were gone.

I really wanted to a lot,

But promised you I would live on.

And so I lived on all alone.

There was no other love for me.

Yours was all that I wanted known.

I would wait for eternity.

Now old, about to die I do

So yearn to chase the light for you.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

 Divvy Up

My marriage ended in divorce

With no children involved therein.

Settlement took an easy course,

Since the only asset there'd been

Was the debt free house we had shared.

Thus each party was to receive

A one half share the judge declared,

A fair division to achieve.

I admit I was more concerned

With getting even than with fair.

It mattered not we both get burned

If it caused ex grief and despair.

So figured I'd have the last laugh

When I chain sawed the house in half.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Our Lives First Intersected

You were driving down Fourth Street, north.

I was driving up Oak Street, east.

The intersection, both came forth.

For the moment our driving ceased.

A collision the two cars had,

But thankfully no one was hurt.

The cars' damage was not too bad.

We agreed, neither was alert.

Information was exchanged by

Each other and neither one be

Too upset, and the reason why,

We hit it off apparently.

On New Year's Day, the morning of,

We two did meet and fall in love.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 Fragile Sort

Fragile like a flower I thought,

When in the park I first met her.

The flowers in the park, a lot,

She has loveliest bloom for sure.

And one I did so want to pluck,

To have and hold forever mine.

Approaching, I hoped for good luck,

Capturing such beauty divine.

At first she smiled, demurely coy,

Then looked me over with her eyes,

And then to my ecstatic joy,

Did set her price to claim my prize.

She's fragile like a bomb, I say,

Just before she blows me away.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Expect of Me

A pregnant tuna fish swims by

A pregnant bigfoot in a float.

Chugging beer after beer have I,

So I am passed out in the boat,

Expecting Mommas make me think

Of my sweet Momma, bless her soul,

Who said expecting me she'd drink

A beer six pack as daily goal,

To assure that I would pop out,

And nurse on beer that Momma poured.

Bigfoot and tuna hoped no doubt

For better than this drunk on board.

What they're expecting, turns out be

When I wake up, hungover me.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

 Grandma's Button Hobby

The first time Grandma showed me her

Button collection I did ask

How the buttons she did procure.

She replied it was a fun task.

Oft she'd go on a button hunt

And find a person wearing one

She liked, so she'd perform her stunt

Upon that person, and when done,

That button as a trophy she'd

Take, later that person be found

After her knife in the back deed,

The victim bleeding on the ground.

Her button secret kept by me,

Serial killer, Grandma be.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 My Witch

I am summoned by my white witch,

Dressed all in white, her robe and hood,

For loyal support, her magic which

She always practices for good.

At the altar she kneels, and so

I quietly move to her side

Where I can feel her healing flow.

With benevolence she does guide

To help some poor soul who's in need,

I've known so many times with her,

Aligning nature's best indeed,

A wonderful white witch for sure.

On her shoulder next to her cowl

Is perched her sidekick, this white owl.

Sense Sonnet - Steamer

 Dropped

The dad told his son not to mess

With me because I was brand new,

The latest phone I must confess,

So many marvels I can do.

Well of course the son, 9 years old,

Picked me up when the dad was gone,

Opposite of what he'd been told.

The son was careless, whereupon

I was dropped on the hardwood floor,

Landing just so to crack me up.

Just then the dad came through the door.

I felt the rising tension, yup.

The 9 year old in trouble be.

Kids that age in China made me.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 In the Pink

At the edge of the pond there is

Lots of pink flowers do grow.

Wanting a closer look, gee whiz,

Into midst of the pink I go,

Where a nice, soft spot I do find

To settle myself down and be

Serene in body, soul and mind,

Enjoying all the pink 'round me.

In such a lovely time and place

I am very content to stay,

Feeling an acceptance with grace

From all the pink flowers array.

'Twixt and 'tween these flowers, I think

I'm a happy swan in the pink.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 His Words for Me

"Hideous figure" I was deemed

By Mr. Dickens in his tale.

But this author, it seemed to me,

Was attracted to this female,

Calling me best care for headache,

Prevented hair from turning gray,

The best means for closest shave sake,

Changed complexion in my own way.

Mr. Dickens wrote of much wine

Served daily to the many who

Came to watch the kisses of mine

To those my sharp wit cut into.

To Mr. Dickens I did be

La Guillotine, which suited me.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Deep Sea For Me

Lost in deep space or in deep sea,

Neither one a pleasing prospect,

But if the choice is up to me,

Lost in the ocean I'd elect.

Deep space, from what I've heard and read,

Seems like a lot of nothingness,

Not much to see or do, instead,

Bunch of boring darkness, I'd guess.

Deep sea in contrast to deep space,

From what I've read and read, has got

Lots of wild life forms I would face,

So bored while there I would be not.

Deep sea, not deep space, I could hail

A cab ride on a friendly whale.

Sense Sonnet - Acher

 It Is What It Is

It is what it is, that's my life,

And isn't going really well.

It's mostly filled with self made strife.

I turn life into living hell.

My world is full of lots of sheep,

So I am a wolf around them.

But I get bit back a whole heap,

And cuss a lot for the mayhem.

But no matter how bad I live

The Bible says that when I die,

If I just ask, God will forgive,

And let me into heaven high.

My life of hell, I cannot wait

To leave behind at heaven's gate.