Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 President Gerald R. Ford

Gerald R. Ford became President

Not by election but by fate.

Disgraced, his predecessor went,

Leaving Ford with a wounded state.

He pardoned Nixon, knowing well,

Was political suicide,

But hoped would stop descent in hell

The nation would have to abide

Through a trial and conviction of

A U.S. President indeed.

Ford gave the nation he did love

A time and place to heal in need.

President Ford and family

Were who the U.S. needed be.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Thrifty Therapy

A couple in their seventies

In extramarital affair

Sought a sex therapist to please

Counsel them and bill Medicare.

So once a week the therapist

Watched the couple as they had sex.

Fulfillment for both did exist.

Therapy reason did perplex

The therapist, at last to ask

The couple why have therapy,

Which seemed for them a needless task.

The couple said the reason be,

"This arrangement works out so well,"

"Much thriftier than a hotel."

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

 Her Lasting Laughter

The wife got into habit of

Laughing at me no matter what.

As time went by the more she'd love

To watch how each of her laughs cut

Deeply into my self esteem.

I tried talking to her of course,

But to no avail it did seem.

With her laughter came no remorse.

Her laughing at me became hell.

In furied fit, I murdered her,

Was caught, and now in my jail cell

Her laughter I still must endure.

I still hear the wife's shrill laughter

Haunting me from the hereafter.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 Wishful Drinking

From my rowboat, rowing I saw

In the calm lake a lamp float by.

Curious, so closer I draw,

And grabbed the lamp and rubbed it dry.

Then, poof, there popped out a genie,

Who told me that I had one wish,

(A cutback from the normal three.)

Since I loved to drink like a fish,

What to wish for was oh so clear.

So I made that wish on the spot,

And the whole lake turned into beer.

But then I had a second thought.

When my bladder reached over bloat,

I would have to pee in the boat.

Sense Sonnet - Chiller

 Murder of Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Watching some black birds fly above.

Humpty began a mocking call

To the birds with the taunting of,

"Black bird, black bird baked in a pie."

The birds, on hearing Humpty, were

Quite peeved and flew down from the sky,

Attack on Humpty to occur,

Dive bombing Humpty viciously,

Until off the wall Humpty fell,

In pieces on the ground did be,

Humpty Dumpty all smashed to hell.

Humpty Dumpty's crackup was grim.

The murder of crows murdered him.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 You are My Guest

The daughter of a geisha and

A samurai, I honor both,

Devote my life to understand

Both arts and crafts, my sacred oath,

Japan's traditions to fulfill,

The geisha's artistry and grace,

The samurai's combative skill,

Giving each proper time and place.

So I invite you to share tea,

And entertain you to my best,

My dance and song and poetry.

I treat you as a special guest.

A good guest gets my warm reward.

A bad guest gets my sharp, cold sword.

Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Cheese Whiz

Mouse looked out of his hole to see

A cheese wheel on the table top.

But beneath the table there be

Cat, who Mouse knew would try to stop

Him from obtaining this cheese wheel.

So Mouse thought up a plan that could

Trick Cat, Mouse let out a loud squeal,

Causing Cat to arch her back good,

Knocking the table enough to

Jiggle a lot the wheel of cheese,

Causing it some movement to do,

Letting Mouse's plan work with ease.

Mouse set the cheese wheel on a roll,

Down Cat's back into Mouse's hole.

Sense Sonnet - Tickler

 My Foot in My Mouth

My five year old son got into

The habit of thumb sucking and

I wasn't sure what I should do.

Maybe a fib he'd understand,

So I said if he didn't stop

Sucking his thumb, then very soon

Most likely he was gonna pop

From blowing up like a balloon.

While at the store later that day,

A lady passed my son and me,

Very much in a pregnant way.

My five year old said seriously,

"Lady, you are blowing up from"

"Doing too much sucking your thumb."