Sense Sonnet - Pumper

 Dogberry

Constable Dogberry, I'm chief

Of the town citizen police,

Warning each and all knave and thief

My fighting crime does never cease.

"Much Ado About Nothing' is

Where I foil the criminal plot,

Maybe by accident, gee whiz,

These crooks insulted me a lot.

So list of charges should include

Spoken untruth and false report,

Slander and lies and being rude

To and about me in assort.

Proof that these criminals are crass,

They dared insist I am an ass.